Before I go to sleep at night I day dream about different lives I could live. This is not me wanting to leave my life, this is just pure fantasy. Like creating a perfect film staring me. It normally ends with me and Josh Brolin living happily in the future.
In my own head it starts with nothing, either my partner cheats on me or I get fired, or I quit my high end job.
I do find it’s strange that in my fantasies they alway begin with heartache and disappointment.
That must say something about me.
Then I buy a run down house and do it up, I start over in a career I like that I turn into an awesome career in social media or I am a painter. These are generally my two careers in my head.
I strip the house back to its roots and imagine the tiles, paint choices and the restoration processes that need to go ahead. While this is happening. I work, fall in in love and plant the perfect garden.
It’s just me, myself and I. I have arguments, get disappointed, relay trust issues. It’s all rather bizarre typing it out loud. I disappear into myself and create a beautiful home with a loving partner, lots of animals and plants and a career I am proud of.
4 good goals, 2.5 I have achieved ( I need more pets and plants)
But why so negative.
Why drama and failure, why when I choose to run away with my thoughts do I not get everything I desire. In my head I am slimmer and my hair is always perfect curls ( goodbye frizz) but why do I do it to myself. Why can’t my fantasies be perfect or is it know that life is work and you put it what you get out?
I am listening to an audiobook at the moment about positivity and how it really affects everything. So maybe I should start looking at my life and my fantasies differently.
This feels like the start of a journey…..
Dysfunctional Planner 
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