Feeling grateful at this awful time

My life is hard at the moment. In sickness and in health has never been such a prominent promise. The hardest thing is watching the one that you love struggle.

Because everything is a struggle. The last few weeks have been trying, frustrating and painful and I am not the one going through cancer, except I am. Just the carers point of view.

You feel very helpless.

So, I wanted to share what I was grateful for.

Obviously the main thing is that Gavin is here with me and we hopefully get to spend the rest of lives together.

But actually I wanted to share the small things.

The fact that we live in a naturally warm house so Gav is never cold.

That we don’t have to step into the bath to have a shower.

The hand rails that I insisted we remove have helped him climb the stairs without assistance.

My garden, my sacred space, where I can while away an hour knowing I am not far away but I can escape to.

My job, it’s flexibility, my supportive team, I am glad to have something to focus on 5 days a week.

Decaffeinated tea, when my friend came to stay and look after me she brought this with her. Little did she know it’s now a staple in our household and I drink it in the evening!

And lastly the support we have from our friends and family. Checking in on Gav and me making sure our spirits are high.

Things people don’t tell you is cancer is also boring. Dull. Trapped in a house, it will get better when he gets stronger, he did a big walk yesterday! I was so proud of him. But it’s easy to be grateful for the small things. Franks loving face always wanting cuddles! Friends at the end of the phone.

Tell the people you love, you love them, and check your stool!

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