Dysfunctional Planner

I know I am lucky. I have a great family and they live in the most beautiful parts of the world. When I see them it is like we have never been apart but goodbyes hurt so much. I would give up pretty much everything to have them live closer. There is so much heartbreak in saying goodbye.

I have just said goodbye to my father. I just walked away from my sister and my nephew at the airport. I am quietly balling so much that the passport controller asks me if I am Seychellois ( soon I will be hopefully) but I just sniff to him that my father is. My family are, and they are here.

We are a close family, my parents remain friends, good friends. Goodbyes break my heart. Every airport drop off I always think that this time I will be stronger and I won’t cry. The catch in my throat lets me down and then come the tears.

This trip I travelled alone so I had no one to comfort me. No big arms to wrap around me, no kiss on the top of my head to tell me it’s alright.

So I had to pull my self together.

New Zealand is so far away.

Seychelles is so far away.

France isn’t so far but it is not up the road.

This holiday has been wonderful. Playing with my niece and nephew, eating my dads cooking. Kreole food, fresh fish everyday. The beach, seeing family and friends, a perfect holiday ( just wish Gavin was there).

What I wouldn’t give for my family to be closer to me. To be able to pop in for a cup of tea or call my dad for a recipe. I do call him to ask but I have to bear in mind if the time difference.

How did we cope without Skype?

Time difference changes everything.

I love visiting the Seychelles and learning about my family’s home and history. How Seychelles used to be but the connection ends when I leave it.

My roots.

I am on the plane to see my mum so this isn’t the saddest good bye. I will see my whole family next year at our wedding.

I can’t wait to see my mum but I know it will also be followed a heartfelt goodbye.