I want a beautiful pair of shoes to walk up the isle in, twice. At the moment the law doesn’t acknowledge humanist ceremony as legal which means I have to get married twice.
This does not make me happy, except I have bought both dresses and I love them equally.
So now I may need two pairs of shoes!
Two you say, yes two. I need heals for the legal bit. Something gorgeous and star of the show. I want something flat or wedge for the actual wedding day. I want something I can wear all day! Something pretty. Sparkly.. not too sure.
I don’t mind a designer shoe but I am not going to turn my nose up at a high street shoe either. I am a budget bride after all.
I said from the beginning that I would rather have a beautiful pair of shoes than a super expensive wedding dress. An accessory I can wear again and again and take away on honeymoon.
So I went to shoe heaven
Have you been?
It’s a bit of a maze but it has all the pretty shoes.
The staff are really helpful and attentive. These are expensive shoes but oh so pretty.
I didn’t find any I loved except the Aquazzura Pom Pom shoes that they had in black and the wrong height! They are so beautiful, sexy and a wee bit too high. My mum loved them.
So I searched online and it looks like they are no longer available in my size.
Just look at them! I have to move on or scour Vestier for my perfect shoes. One thing I love about them that I didn’t know was the brands logo is a Pineapple which suits me to a t!
They are sold out- i have myself on a fair few waiting lists and watching Vestiaire like a hawk. We will see.
So now I need Shelp!
And I am getting it from one of my Danettes. She happens to be a shoemaker/ designer who worked for the RSC and ROH in the shoe department. Sourcing and making shoes.
I told you I picked my BMs well.
She has given me lots of options already but has told me not to rush!
So even though I would like them tucked away in their box, ready for me to break them in before the big day!
Life can get hectic and we can do a few things to sort our selves out. Have a mini break down, scream and shout, focus on the issue, break it down into manageable chunks or if none of these work then just seek help.
Self help books can aid us in this, if we need them. I have always scoffed at them myself until I read the magic of tidying. But to be honest with you I didn’t know it was a self help book.
I just thought it would help me with tidying!
We shouldn’t feel guilty about being stressed and seeking help
I have a Becky and a Gavin in my life. Two Cancerians who are so to the point and brutal that I have never ventured into the world of self help books. There guidance has been all i needed. When I was struggling about keeping on top of my mess I found this book. But it helped me declutter other parts of my life as well.
Time flies when we are struggling
Things can get on top of us quickly, it is called snowballing for a reason and it can get out of hand quickly.
I had a boss who used to say “if you had to, how would you deal with this” his voice is often in my head when i am frustrated in a situation. If I have to fix a situation then how do I even if i feel it is impossible.
If I am not wedding planning on the busthen I am day dreaming about Josh Brolin.
Life gets in the way!
You should never feel guilty
More people are talking about thereanxieties and daily pressures. I think that the best way to deal with things isfirstly to know when you are not being super productive and also knowing whento stop!
I didn’t realise I was reaching for the self-help books until someone said you read a lot of them. I have read a total of 4.
The life changing Magic of Tidying (which is a pure joy and I recommend to everyone)
Getting your sh*t together (which just repeats itself constantly and swears a lot but its 3 main points where good Phone wallet and Keys)
An Edited Life by Anna Newton
An ebook about blogging…..
Two of these are more about organizing butthey are still self-help books.
Same message in Each Book
If you have ever read a self help book you will find that they are extremely repetitive, i think that half of it is to get the message across and the other half is just filling pages. But the message is generally always the same. The main one being…. What do you want out of life, what do you hope to achieve.
It’s a bit tricky when you are not sure what you want. Or even what I don’t want. There are certain things that I do want but are they goals or have i just watched too many Instagram posts and my favourite Youtubers?
I would like more pennies in my account at the end of the month. A healthy looking Savings account. A new kitchen oh yes, a bathroom upstairs. A Chloe handbag, travel a lot more. explore more of great Britain because it gets torn apart in this Brexit fiasco.
Ironically saving for the wedding means that I have realised how much money I can save. At the moment I am saving a bit too much to have a decent life balance however, I can still save easily 10% of my wage every month. So I will.
I can make this change
I can save for a Chloe bag……
I would like a better kitchen. I love myhouse, it is pretty perfect. Do I wish it was bigger? yes. But we have a 3bedroom house ( no I don’t want children) but if I did change my mind therewould be room to cage them (joke). I meant cage one (still joking). I wouldlike a kitchen that opens onto the garden rather than a bathroom that looksover the garden. Our savings have proved that we can actually afford this andafter the wedding and honeymoon this is what I will be looking into. I am not havingbig dreams of a designer kitchen I just require things like a surface next tothe sink. A dishwasher. None of these things fit in my perfectly sized if not awee bit small kitchen. All this could change!
All self-help books ask you to do is figure out what you want. But honestly I like my life and my job. I would love to work less and travel more.
Self Help conclusion
Self help books are there as a guide to aid you in your quest (you are on one or you wouldn’t have picked it up). You shouldn’t feel guilty if A, you don’t achieve what you wanted or B, it doesn’t work for you c, you think that the author maybe nuts or just a money grabber (ebook about blogging that I don’t want to list)
I heard recently that people read or listen to self help guides but they don’t follow it to the letter then get disappointed by the lack of results. So this chap said follow what they say and try it for however long and then tweak it. Don’t get half was through tidying and think I can listen to music… or watch Netflix ( sorry Marie Kondo) because she is right it is distracting.
There is nothing wrong with personal development. Trying to find what works with and for you. There is also nothing wrong with following your own advice.
Its like a bad relationship…You are only ready to move on with your life when you are ready to move on with your life. Knowing better and being able to physically remove yourself from a loved one are too different things.
Been there done that, wore the heartbreak tshirt.
So never let anyone mock you for reaching for a self help book. Knowing you a problem or are just stuck in a rut is a positive step. But also don’t feel guilty if they don’t work, don’t make sense or a a piece of Crap.
I love my self help books.
I love organising and planning- I also love reading and watching people do the same.
What books Self-Help books have you read and loved…or hated.
Firstly, I didn’t know I was dyspraxic and mildly dyslexic until I was university, in my second year. It wasn’t a shock, it just made sense.
I had to do my research about what it meant and means. The truth was I was 21 and fully functioning. I chose an Art degree because I am a practical thinker and a problem solver and super creative. I was articulate enough that I never really struggled at school except when it came to essays.
I love to read and have always read a book a week. When it came to writing however it is sometimes like my brain is not connected to my pen. I would think something, write it out and assume it was fine. It rarely was and is.
My dissertation was written by me then read and rewritten by my best friend who then asked me to go over it again. If I had handed in my second draft, I would have failed my degree. Without her help I never would have been able to write something that my tutor said was one of the most interesting reads he had read in years.
I have always needed help
At college I had special help, where I sat in a room and read out my essays so I could see that they didn’t make sense. No one diagnosed my learning disability but everyone was aware I needed help. They said I was too passionate and my mind ran a mile a minute.
It is weird to say I have a learning difficulty because although I struggle there are harder things in life.
At school they just called me lazy… again I got the grades excelling in every oral exam, drama and art.
Mr French teacher said I chose to sit next to the smartest girl in the class so I could copy them, charming!
Most teachers liked me as I could discuss and talk about the subject, they knew I was intelligent. They were a bit confused when I handed in my homework but like I said, I got the grades. So, they never worried.
Writing, spelling and grammar
My spelling is shocking, my sentence structure is appalling Gavin says when I write something it sounds like English is my second language.
I struggle with spelling, learning how to spell a word always escaped me. But once I learn it, truly learn it then that’s it. I can’t unlearn it.
Ironically, I love to write I always have. Stories poetry it never held me back. I never thought I was dumb because it never affected my ability to learn I just get distracted easily, super easily.
I store random facts for years and year but struggle with a simple spelling of a word.
Living the dream
I am definitely a dreamer, a forgetful uncoordinated dreamer. I am a person who chases a million dreams and has a million ideas. They never get completed, or even started.
I know a lot of people have it a lot worse than me. But generally, when you are not good at something you are better at something else.
Living with Dys, is never generally an issue. Unless my poor spelling comes up at work or home. Or I get a messages asking what I meant, because nothing makes sense.
I don’t mind the teasing, I also don’t mind people correcting my spelling and grammar. I learn from it.I get frustrated with abbreviated words in text. they frustrate me because of the laziness but also I have to learn another code to understand them.
I was pulled aside by an old manager and told my organising skills were atrocious and he was right. I would focus and prioritise on what I wanted to do most, not was most important. He bought me a moleskin and fancy pen to inspire me. It was my first step in bullet journaling and he was right.
He said you need to find your own rules and way through this. a way for you to complete your own tasks in the right order. He was a great boss and I will never forget his advice.
Now I have a system. I put everything in my personal planner. I sometimes move this into my work notebook but i find it constrains me too much. it is to formal and I don’t like blank pages.
I am not a fan on overpriced New Year’s Eve parties. I feel they are a waste of money and energy! You can enjoy the same evening on a normal Saturday night out!But I don’t mind a house party or a nice meal with friends. I have had some great New Years.
Two Hogmanay’s in Edinburgh
A pie fight at a Bugsy Malone party
A meal with friends and cocktails
And then one New Year’s Eve where we had a bottle of champagne and played computer games all night.
Other than that, can’t say I have had many great ones. Like Christmas I think that it is all about family. About sharing a kiss with your loved one, Jools Holland on the tv and a big smile on your face.
Also I love my bed! If I can spend New Year in my bed with food and booze and fur babies then I am a happy girl. Sadly, my other half is very outgoing so we take it in turns.
One new year my choice, one his.
Generally, it’s like most things, a big pressure to do something to talk about. I have never been a fan of any of that. I hope I have never been or never will be, a show off. Although rooftop parties in New York look amazing I would love to experience that, I am not someone who feels left out if I choose not to go.
New Years is just a big rip off
Tickets to your local pub! Drinks doubled in price, Leery men hoping to scoop up the single girls at the end of the night. (This was my late teens clubbing in Camberley and Fleet).
This year I get 4 glorious days off.
Saturday Sunday Monday Tuesday…. Pure heaven.
I can’t wait. We have some tidying to do which Mrs Hinch and her Minky have prepared me for. Some wedding planning (although that may be on hold till after the break.
But a break nether the less!
Exploring and Travel
I also am not the biggest fan of setting New year’s resolutions. except this year we actually have a goal to work towards… the wedding. Planning this year is key and we are so excited. My brother called me asking me to join him and dad on a road trip to our house in France. We are taking a van and picking up some bits before Mum sells the house. This also means that we can buy some French bits for the wedding which I am so excited about. Gav may kill me.
Travel Plans this year:
Road trip to Jarnac
Well I have been good at maintaining my weight but I haven’t lost any more so I still have a stone to lose and when my ankle heals, I am going to start running again. Get my whole body toned and back into shape.
Well I have already started this journey so it is time to get back into the habits and truly look after my skin. This means from the inside out so I will be drinking plenty of water and eating lots of fruit and its bye, bye to chocolate as this makes me break out. I just need a new serum (praying Elizabeth Arden goes in the sale)
I still need to find a beautician and book my bridesmaids there’s. I am leaving up to them if they want it done. Hair and makeup.
Well I got all my grey hairs coloured and covered and Gav wasn’t impressed with my blond skunk streaks as they are fairly bold. Now I am thinking of going a bit warmer and red. Not Bright Aerial red just a dark Auburn which is closer to my natural colour. I am growing it as long as it wants to grow and thinking of having it half up and down.
Still need to book a hairdresser for the wedding which is super stressful as I have never ever found someone who is good with curls. I get hairdressers who cut my hair really well but I leave with my hair frizzy and fly away.
No one likes to talk about money but weddings are expensive and we all know that. I am saving money on flowers, ceremony and booze but our venue is ridiculously expensive.And its our dream to get married there. It will be totally worth it. I have less then half my time and less then half the budget to save for. I have been working really hard to scrimp and save. Turning down nights out because of fares and expenses without neglecting my friends too much. Working overtime and extra Saturdays are making a difference to my saving now.
Makes: Getting Crafty
I have a lot of things to make. Napkins to dye, table clothes to hem. Photobooths to build and paint, and invites to cut up. The list is pretty impressive. We have a lot of details to finalise. And in a few months’ time I have to book the civil wedding.
I am hoping to make the majority of items before June so that I can fix any issues if any arrive. And not get too bogged down by it all.
Writing that list makes me a wee bit sick.
We are getting married in 8 months
Cannot believe it and I cannot wait.
I almost wish I had another year to plan and make.
Christmas Day is in 5 days. If you are working right up until Christmas you may not have as much time as you think. Online shopping is now not reliable not even Amazon Prime delivers the next day anymore ( it sometimes does, but sometimes isn’t reliable). It is time to hit the shops on foot. Until that item is in your hands then you can’t guarantee it will be sitting under the tree.
Don’t let the panic set in!
Let’s be honest it is not the end of the world if the kids/ family/ cat doesn’t receive what they wanted on Christmas day.
Will there be tears and tantrums, maybe but probably not. Not getting a gift isn’t devastating or traumatic. Drama first thing in the morning is soon forgotten by lunchtime. Christmas is not about getting the biggest gift we know that. It is easy to get swept away in the Guardian top 10 of presents. Christmas is about friends and family and that is the most important part. It is time to really appreciate Christmas and what it is actually about and that will be you and who you are to them. The person running around like a headless chicken trying to give a wonderful day has tried! So let them enjoy it with you. Teaching your family patience and to be grateful is the best gift you ever give someone.
We have all lost someone and would give up every gift in the world to have them for just one more day, one more conversation.
My Nephew has asked for Venom Costume for Christmas. My sister is going crazy trying to find one. He declared the other day that it is alright she didn’t need to worry that Santa was going to get it for him. My sister is still in a panic but knows that Sebastien will understand that Santa may not be able to deliver that item just as mummy struggled to do. We will get over it and quickly. Kids are resilient. They are on to the next fad, costume or toy in a blink of an eye. And learning that you can’t always get what you want from an early age is a good lesson.
I have lost a fair few people over the years
But it is my uncle who I miss every year. We are family who just loved the meal, the turkey sandwiches, my brother loosing at Trivial Pursuits to his inferior sister ( thats me). We celebrated our Christmas’s in Jersey, France, Germany Scotland and all over England from North Yorkshire to Hampshire.
If we have to travel to be together then we will do it.
I don’t get to spend time with my family at Christmas as we live so far apart. So don’t even try to tell me that not receiving a gift is important. It’s not.
So before you email or call a place of business to complain about a late shipment remember a few things.
It was never devastating, dramatic or upsetting not to receive a gift.
You obviously left it too late…. did you forget it gets busy at Christmas and parcels get lost and damaged all the time! Postal systems go crazy this time of year, did you forget that?
The person at the end of the phone is not responsible for your parcel they just represent the company they work for.
So I truly hope you have a wonderful Christmas filled with laughter love and Joy. I hope you squeeze your loved ones a bit tighter this Christmas, look them in the eye and tell them how much you appreciate them!
and if your parcels don’t arrive on time…..
…….. well, its not really the end of the world, is it?
Me and Gav often holiday apart from each other. We always have done. Time apart can be great, it can make you appreciate each other.
Sometimes it sucks!
We are two very independent people. We have our own friends who we will see in as a couple or individually. His friends are my friends but we have no issues not being together 24-7.
Les Deuce Alps…… and I am in England!
We holiday separately not because we don’t want each other there with us but sometimes we can’t holiday together. This summer I spent 3 weeks with my family in The Seychelles and France. I missed gav but I had my family so I was just home.
But now he is away and I am home alone with the fur babies and I am not enjoying being home alone.
I am still going out!
Still seeing my friends but I have to be home for the puppy! so my time is limited. Frank has to come first because he doesn’t have anyone else looking after him but me.
I am cleaning the house top to bottom and keeping busy. Because it needs it and to keep me busy and stop me missing him.
Me and Gav aren’t romantic at all, but now he is messaging me 10 times a day! Normally it would be once. It doesn’t help that he is snowboarding with out me! But he is also on holiday with my best friend!
He deserved a break he has been working hard and it has been a stressful year for him. I know how much he loves a winter holiday. When we first started dating Gav took me snowboarding. As I am a slow learner gav planned a holiday together and then one he can snowboard at his level. He loves it and so do I!!
So I am happy he is there.
It is also making me appreciate how much I miss the little things he does for me. Lazy smiles, taking a bite out of his toast every day our morning chats!
The silver lining is I have written some of my vows, my house is starting to get clean and tidy! I don’t feel very Christmasy in my home as the tree is still not decorated.
But time apart can be a good thing it’s just I don’t want to be apart from him right now!
There comes a time in every brides life when they have to stop looking on Pinterest and giving it up completely.
I love wedding blogs I read them on my lunch breaks, bus ride home. Commuting means a few minutes of wedding planning a day. I read them mainly for advice from real brides rather than companies repeating generic shit.
I had about four wedding boards filled with completely different weddings including Harry Potter wedding, a zombie wedding, if I had all the money in the world wedding and the dream wedding! I loved them I poured my hopes and dreams into them. Then a few years ago when I thought that it was never going to happen I deleted them.
I felt like they were mocking me.
Perfect brides with happy faces.
Now that I am engaged and am much happier I started my boards again.
I still have a few boards but I have had to cut them down and now I have to stop looking.
A great source
In the first few months I started lovingly filling my boards. The wedding dress was the most stressful, as I said the prices of my perfect dress where way out of my budget.
But the worse thing was the excess! Do I need milk jugs filled with flowers?
Um no, I am not milkmade and sadly was not brought up on a farm. Don’t get me started on Prosecco walls ( it’s called a waiter!!!) donut walls etc etc.
Looking at peoples weddings is great but you don’t need anything that isn’t perfect for you.
You don’t need it!
I don’t need it!
Too many ideas and no clean message!
Pinterest is a great dream to escape into
I still have a private board for my final thoughts but now I don’t go searching for ideas.
Me and Gavin are getting married even without all fluff and stuff!
No this blog shouldn’t contradict with the details blog because that is all about personal things to us!
Have what you want at your wedding. if you need acrylic table plans and hand calligraphered quartz name tags and it’s in your budget then go for it.
Just don’t do it because it’s a trend on Pinterest!
Downside of Pinterest
There is a downside to inspiration and that is achieving the same results within your budget. I have heard of brides you have spent 20k on an Instagram worthy wedding for 40 people!
Great if that’s what she wants! But it’s such a lot of money for one day!
The other downside is people not linking there photos to original sources!
I have no idea what brand these shoes are. If you know please let me know!
For example I love these shoes!
Can’t find where they are from!
If you know please tell me, I have tried googling, eBay but I don’t know what brand or what country they are from.
I love them but I may never find them.
Pinterest is a great place for dreaming but you don’t need to get bogged down by it, or hyped up by it!
For me it is time to give up Pinterest! I don’t need any more ideas in my head!
Achieve what you want within your budget and time limit!