Dysfunctional Planner

Hi all.

Thought I would update you a little with what’s going on. How I am feeling, how gav is doing and generally where we are at.

Gavin is waiting to have his second surgery confirmed. Life feels fairly normal at the moment so it’s a bit daunting knowing that we are going to have to start from scratch again and this time there may be, will be more pain. This time he will be in more pain which we rarely had to deal with. We have had a few conversations but we do need to have a sit down because even though the likely hood of things going wrong are slim, there is still a chance.

Cancer is a funny thing. You think you are coping and all is well, then you find yourself stuck in a rabbit hall of doom suffering a panic attack set off by an advert that has nothing to do with cancer.

It’s only happened a few times and I am all good.

We are so grateful we caught it early.

We are so grateful that he doesn’t have to go through chemo and other than watching him struggle, tire out easily, stoma accidents and mood swings ( mine and his) we have had it easy.

My father is also in hospital in India having a fistula operated on, so lots of stress on that front. Lucky both my father and Gavin are doing well so it’s general positive vibes in an anxious time.

And me, well it’s tricky. When we talk about the house we describe it as limbo. We can’t move forward till Gavin is better. And that’s kind of me too I am stuck in limbo.

When he has good days so do I.

The house is a tip, well I did give it a clean but it’s still chaotic. My allotment is on pause, the cute cat I love is using the £300 raised bed as a luxury toilet so now I need to net it off!

Slugs and snails are everywhere but I don’t like killing anything so I am sowing more sacrificial plants for them to eat. Everything costs so much money that I am having to wait till pay day ( as I should) to buy new things for the garden. And Sticky Willie has decided that it owns my allotment so I will have to spend at least a day ridding my allotment of all those weeds!

My seedlings are ready to be potted on and I am not sure I have enough compost but if I put them straight into the garden they will be decimated by the snails I think are cute.

I am a terrible gardener.

I wrote a list of all the garden jobs and it’s a lot, but if I had a day off I would be stuck, unsure when to start and just procrastinate all day.

I still love it.

It still brings me a lot of peace. I may dare to put my sweet peas out and suffer the beasts if they destroy them.

I sound like I am completely overwhelmed but I am not.

I am generally okay.

I just need a little more structure and order in my life and that’s not going to happen for a while. I am getting up earlier so I can spend 20 minutes in the garden before work. My mind just goes blank and I can focus on my tasks. Majority of my dahlias are coming to life and I need to plant out my gladioli soon!

I don’t mind my garden being wild but I want to stick to my plans.

I have a small list of jobs to do in the garden after work so I will complete those and feel better.

So that’s it a little brain fart of an update.

So tell the people you love, you love them, and check your stool it may save your life!