France, Mum, Food and Wedding Talk

My mum is my biggest cheerleader. She is impressed by pretty much everything I do which is great and much needed when you are feeling blue. France is one of my homes, her home. An army brat learns to make a home where ever they can!

This little blog is just about me and my mum, France, food and a bit of wedding talk. Hope you enjoy!

Lazy me

When I get to Jarnac I turn into loungy French me. I swan around the house drinking Kronenburg, nibbling of french bread and Port Salut. I am happy as Larry coming back home to France.

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We normally don’t stray to far from Jarnac as my breaks to see my mum are all about relaxation and family not travelling frantically about. We normally end up on the veranda, have big life talks or curled up at night on the sofa chatting nonsense.

Until my parents moved to France I didn’t think of it as a holiday destination which is crazy. I think for couples France is so romantic, chateaus, champagne and amazing food. France doesn’t have to cost a fortune and from Britain it is just a short flight.

Most people tend to go straight to Paris, the French Alps or the south of France and they miss out on all the beautiful cities and towns in between. If you want a relaxing, meandering, brocante filled long weekend then visit France.

I spent a long time on the lawn sipping passion fruit gin and tonics going through my mums floristry books. It so peaceful and beautiful.

All the weight gaining alcohol

This trip was a lovely lazy trip. We went to a vineyard and picked up Cognac Champagne which if you are ever in the area you must try. It is delicious and very rare even in the area. I bought all their stock they had left which was two bottles!

Yum.

My mother is kindly supplying our toasting Champagne from a local vineyard and we cant wait. It is light and not bitter at all, we had it at my brothers wedding in proper champagne glasses ( which I wont be having: tiniest gripe).

All the yummy food

Mum has been learning more french recipes and Eggs Mimosa  is definitely my new favourite. This was one of the best lunches of all time, light and refreshing and enough left overs that I could have it for tea the next day.

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We went to a few restaurants and had amazing steak at both! our aperitif was a lovely Cognac Schweppes.

Although my mum is a wee bit stressed about making my bouquet everything else she is really relaxed about. She cant wait. We had a slightly stressful conversation about the legal part of our ceremony which I am still annoyed about. Annoyed that I have a legal ceremony not the fact that she was talking about it.

It has kind of grown from two people to immediate family but hey, thats okay. It just means our super fancy meal at the Holborn Dining rooms will be at a great affordable London Pub instead.

My sister referenced Kate Winslet’s wedding and I said yes, just like that! Well we all know I love Marianne in Sense and Sensibility!

We also talked about Videographer’s and prices and my brother suggested that I stop focusing on creating these magical Youtube moments and just pay someone to capture the whole day. I think he was right and me and Gav discussed it and we are now just looking for someone to capture our day.

Nothing Fancy

Just withing our budget.

And that’s what I need to focus on. Not creating a stupid Pinterest wedding I need to create a beautiful wedding for me and Gav. A moment in time when our friends and family can drink and be merry.

That’s what we are focusing on, oh and our budget.

At this moment in time I would like to be under our budget not over it!

when I left France and my mum is was so hard. I had to say goodbye to so many of my family in such a short time. My mum is coming over to help with the invites and wedding planning but that’s not till the new year.

Till then it will just be Skype!

Bon voyage mon ami!

Giving Up My Name and Other Wedding Traditions

So firstly, I am a feminist I am not sure who doesn’t believe in equality. That is what feminism is, wanting to be accepted with respect, as equals. I am struggling with giving up my name and other wedding traditions.
I am going to be truthful with you, I find lots of things about a wedding old fashioned. But I also like some of the traditions. This doesn’t mean I judge you for keeping the ones or all of them if that is what you want. I believe a wedding and the start of your marriage should represent you both not what others think you should do. If traditional suits you, do it. If you just want to do it your way, do it.
A marriage is a tale of two halves coming together to create a whole. Two equal halves coming together. Sounds like harmony and feminism to me.
Some might say that it’s just words “giving away” “Honor and Obey”. That these are just traditions you don’t have to put any power into them. But I am betting a few of you rolled your eyes at my self-label of Feminist. Some may have  stopped reading.

I never really looked at it from this point of view till I got engaged. I maybe overthinking somethings and also American traditions like the garter toss (never happening)  and bridesmaids buying there own dresses (WTF) have influenced lots of weddings in recent years.

So you may be questioning my engagement?
I had to be asked, because he would have said no to me.
I also wanted to be asked. I want to be his wife: his partner in life and love.
Wedding traditions I have issues with:
• Dad giving me away
• Asking my dad’s permission
• The term maids (come on!!!!!!!)
• Giving up my name
• That humanist ceremonies are not lawful weddings but they are in Scotland (come ONNNN)
• That mothers don’t appear to have apart in the ceremony? Think about it….no role at all.

 

My Father giving me away

My Father will be walking me down the aisle. I need him to calm me down and to hold my hand. I can’t wait to share this moment with him. He won’t be giving me away he doesn’t need to. I have been independent since I moved out of home when I was 18 but that doesn’t mean that my parents haven’t been there for me. If my Oncle was still alive he would also be walking me down the aisle with my dad. But that won’t be happening.

 

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Asking for my father’s hand

I love my dad, I am a daddy’s girls. When my brother in law asked my dad for my sisters hand in marriage his reaction was amazing. Brad was so nervous, I mean shaking. My dad’s words were
“Why are you asking me for, I am not marrying you”

 

 

 

 

Brad went white………… watching it was so funny, I kid you not. My Dad is a feminist too, although he never talks about it.

He has raised two independent daughter and a son who treats women with respect.
Brad had asked my sister first. He also asked my mum for Vicky’s hand. He was just as nervous asking her, my mum was so overwhelmed she didn’t really hear Brad, so he had to repeat himself.
He turned bright red at this point.
My mum loved it but she had a massive cry and my Oncle asked us to give her a minute as this was a big moment for her.
Gavin didn’t ask my dad for my hand, but he did let him know he was going to ask me. My dad told him he liked him and he was happy for us. I am glad he told him.

 

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The term maids

Bridesmaids just doesn’t sit well with me and tradition behind it sucks, I am sorry but come on. Just call them spinsters and get on with it. Maid of honour, yuck. I am not having a maid of honour. I am having 5 amazing women stand next to me, and I know I have called them bridesmaid in my previous blogs but that will have to change. I just don’t like all the alternative names out there. Tossing the bouquet to other maids…… okay I have caught 3! It was silly and fun but still. Don’t think I will do it. I think the maids will just have to get married without the lucky bouquet.

 

Giving up my name

 

Okay so this is an easy fix, I don’t have to. The majority of my friends who have gotten married in the last 5 years haven’t done it. A few just didn’t get around to it and now don’t care that much. I am a Payet through and through. I love my heritage, the light with the dark. I am proud to be a Payet and I always will be. But should I be a Townsend…. This I am stuck on. So, I am thinking that I will take it on. Not a double barrel just as another name.

 

I like it.

 The Law

That humanist ceremonies are not lawful weddings but they are in Scotland
This truly makes my blood boil.


Mothers don’t have a part in the ceremony

Its all about the men, think about it.

 

Father of the bride, best man and groom all do speeches. Women sit there looking pretty. Now I have no issues with you keeping it that way with your wedding.
None, nada.
You may hate talking or have nothing to say but the roles of a wedding party are old fashioned and outdated. I think my mum would kill me if I asked her to do a speech but if my friends wanted to say anything or my mum did, I would encourage it.
Both my mother and mother in law are creatively helping us out with our wedding. They are both strong amazing women who have been through a lot. They are role models to both me and to Gavin and have already talked us through lots of wedding plans.
So traditionally they will have huge role in helping us with the planning but absolutely no role on the day?
I find it baffling, I also had never really considered it before I got engaged.
Will I say anything at my wedding?
The answer is yes. You know it.
The wedding is the start of our marriage. I feel it should start of as we mean to go on. Equally. Humanist ceremonies mean that we can do it however we wish so we don’t have to OBEY anything.
What are your views on traditions in a wedding?

Heartbreak, Hero’s and Wedding Plans

When we got engaged everyone said “you wait for the drama and family issues”. A wedding really does bring out heartbreak but it also shines a light on the hero’s in our lives. I smiled politely at them, I thought we would be okay with our wedding planning. Although both our parents aren’t together now I still didn’t see any drama coming.

But then I caused it.

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My brother’s wedding

My sister’s birthday is in July. She will be turning 40 so it is a big one. Two years ago, we decided we would all fly out to see her and celebrate it together in New Zealand. Then a year to the date came up she suggested that she came over, instead of all of us going out to see her.

All of us were grateful that we didn’t have to travel for such a long way for two weeks, plus the money we would save. It was perfect.

Then we got engaged

My sister was over the moon- she couldn’t believe it and was super happy when we said it wouldn’t be for another 18 months as my family are spread all over the globe.

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Me and Vicky in Mahe, Seychelles

Payet’s love to travel

My sister is going to be one of my bridesmaids. Not because we are related but because she is my friend, she means so much to me.

When my ex told me he no longer loved me after I moved out to Australia to begin our new life, it was my sister who booked my flight out to New Zealand 4 days later so I didn’t have to face him. I stayed a month with her moping around the house, crying in my pillow, using up her phone bill to text him. She just let me go through the motions. She booked my hair cut so I could chop off my hair (the most therapeutic way of getting over heart break). Considering how devastated I was, I had a really great time. We had so much fun watching Harry Potter on the couch. Reminiscing about British Christmas and that Lamb is not the same as roast turkey.

First cut is the deepest, but my sister stood next to me with a giant plaster

A month later I had to face my ex and get my stuff sorted to send back to London. We tried and we failed. As I had absolutely nothing to go back for, no Job and no home.  I decided to visit my Dad in the Seychelles and my mum in France. It took me two months to get back to London but I didn’t have any jet lag. I tried to look for the silver lining.  The plane stopped off in Thailand.

5 days all by myself.

I was heartbroken and stuck in the hotel. Not wanting to spend my money because I needed it when I got home. The first day I barely left my room but I was getting so bored. All I could think was that if anything happened to me here no one would know. I was scared to leave the hotel. So I listened to the voice in my head saying come on Dans you can do this. It was my sisters voice telling me not to be afraid. Telling me I could do this, just go for a walk around the block. Explore, be brave and take advantage of the situation. Off I hopped into an illegal cab and did some exploring.

My sister is often the encouraging voice in my head.

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Me and Vicky wearing Gryffindor when I am actually Hufflepuff

She is my hero

And my life moved onwards and definitely upwards.

Then I got engaged.

So when she facetimed my to let me know she couldn’t come over for her birthday it felt like a stab in my heart. I felt a lump rise in my throat and the guilt was overwhelming, I couldn’t look at her. She just stared at me as my eyes filled with tears. I couldn’t see and I couldn’t face her.

I wouldn’t see my sister this year because of my wedding.

She would be alone (not really, she has a family out in New Zealand) but without us.

And because she was coming over no one had saved enough……….

Gavin called me. My sister had called him to ask if I was okay (she wasn’t getting her birthday but she was worried about me) I cried down the phone to him in hysterics. I called our wedding stupid on numerous occasions. My brother helped me calm down (also a good voice of reason) I hadn’t seen her in 3 years. My niece and nephew are proper people now not just little ones.

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3 hero’s here, my bro Sister and Dad

I called my mum so she could tell Vicky how I was feeling. But I still couldn’t face her.

After a while we started calling again. I was saving for a wedding and she understood but the guilt didn’t go away. My bestie suggested I fly out to see her but Gav said we really can’t afford it. He said that my sister didn’t mind and that I shouldn’t either.

I am not going to New Zealand.

My dad suggested that Vicky take the kids to Seychelles and she agreed. Cocktails, sunshine and family: perfect.

Decisions

I didn’t have the time off so I couldn’t go.

I didn’t have money to spare so I couldn’t afford the flight.

I was already going to France for two weeks to see my mum it is her 60th! I also didn’t have the holiday.

So, I booked my flight to Seychelles stopping at Paris on the way back for my mums birthday.

Screw it, I will just have to Ebay all my clothes.

I can’t wait.

My sister has already filled my suitcase with harry potter cushions and clothes for the kids. Thank you, Emirates, and your 30kilo allowance.

We are going to visit all our favourite places. Dad is going to cook us our favourite meals. We are going to drink ice cold Seybrew on the beach and drink gin all night long.

So we do have family issues, I am sure there will be more to come. But right now, family is more important than my bank balance.

This one is to all the hero’s in my life.

In this blog I mentioned a lot of them.

Dana