Taking a skincare break getting my life back on track

skincare

I my shelves are full.

Jam packed with skincare and they are all open and being used.

It’s not a waste but I just have to organise myself and get real.

There is no more room for more products and although I really really really want the Cult beauty box advent calendar in all its glory luckily if sold out in two hours so I have my hope on the Marks and Spencer one!

I don’t need it ( yes I do just put it on the credit card). But it’s a nice treat for Christmas so screw it!

So messy even when it’s tidy!

Will I try a no buy year?

Probably not! I am not that strong!

I have decided to only replace things when I need to! This will be hard. It’s Christmas time and all the offered are amazing and I want it all.

But I have so much skincare that I can’t use it all.

So I am going to reorganise.

  • Day care
  • Night care

All into separate boxes

I need to set aside an evening and actually do this!

I am going to use my gorgeous new bullet journal to list absolutely all of my products to see what needs replacing and what doesn’t.

I will try harder not to splurge on crazy products especially since I still want that Elizabeth Arden serum!

And haven’t bought it yet… my birthday is coming up so I should treat myself.

I really should.

Plus I need to focus on Christmas as we are going away more to be explained!

So I am trying to cut back on my skincare. Maybe now the wedding is over I can calm down the crazy!! It feels like my life is back on track. The wedding has been such a focus for the last two years which is crazy.

But weddings are crazy.

Today I ate my feelings

Advice, Personal Experience

I know there is no point getting stressed getting worried about the never ending list won’t solve anything and nor will eating my feelings

I thought I would be better at this.

Dealing with the stress.

Being organised.

It turns out when it comes to wedding planning, I am definitely a dysfunctional planner. I feel like I have left everything to the last moment and now its all getting on top of me.

I am lucky that I don’t suffer with anxiety. I have dark moments and blue days but nothing like the crippling anxiety I know that so many people struggle with day to day.

Except at the moment it here.

A lead weight in my chest. A dark hole in my brain that wants to shut down rather than get active.

I may just be tired, physically.

I know there is no point in getting stressed. I am actually on top of things and I still have a few weeks to go. 3 infact. And I can accomplish a lot in those weeks. Especially as the last one I am not at work at all.

But today I was quiet all day and I got so many side glances at work I knew they thought something wasn’t quite right.

Compulsive eater: saga of eating my feelings

Today I ate my feelings in the shape of Krispy Kremes. The first was a treat. The second was pure indulgence and the third was me dissolving into myself. Filling that void with pure sugar and eating it so quickly no one, not even myself could stop me. I crammed that thing into my mouth and it didn’t change a thing. I don’t enjoy it and I didn’t regret it.

Whenever I am angry or sad I crave bad food, today was not different except I am not sad but numb.

Numb and stuck.

I went to the gym for an hour this morning and then I destroyed my calorie intake in 9 bites.

I have support.

Every time I even hint I am stressed I am inundated with friends and family offering support and physical help.

I know what I need to do.

But I am stuck inside my own head and it’s a very quiet grey haunted place. To quote Bono

Stuck in the middle and you can’t get out of it

I will go home tonight, cook dinner and achieve a few wedding bits.

I will get a lovely puppy greeting and cuddle. A kiss from my fiancé a discussion about food and drink. Watch a few episodes of My Kitchen Rules Australia and Great British Bake off. I will read a bit of my new book as I tuck myself away for an early night at 10pm.

Pull my socks up and get on with it but it’s there.

tomorrow I will probably be fine before the next bout of anxiety nibbles away at me.

I am only writing this out loud because if anyone else is in the same situation then they should know that even though people don’t speak about it much it happens a lot.

Like I said before I don’t normally suffer from it all. I am truly blessed in that my mental health is pretty, well healthy.

Fitness update three weeks since I joined the gym, getting up early

body confidence, confidence, Fitness, weight loss

So I thought if you are not too bored of this newbieish gym goer then you may like to read this.

I am actually on my fourth week now and I am loving it. I am loving the feeling of improving my body. Every time I go I push myself and improve. The results are immediate in so far as the next time I go I can do it. When people say that fitness is all in your head they mean it. Because every time I think I can’t do it, the next visit I can!

I recently watch Jamie Genevieve fitness vlog and she said this gem of wisdom

” No one ever regrets going to the gym”

And she is right. I feel good when I leave the gym. I have energy that lasts me till about 3.30 and then I flag a little. My body looks better.

I feel better!

I still have work to do and a few more patches of skin to tone but I am happy about my body. I just need to keep it up.

Early mornings

I love my bed so much, so getting up early, like 5.45am is pretty god damn early.

I look like crap but yesterday even the sun wanted to go back to bed!!

But I have found that I need a gym buddy! I miss Jon laughing at me and introducing me to new exercises and machines. I asked Gav if he would join again but he doesn’t fancy it!

So I aim to go 3-4 times a week and so far I have done it! But I have to go early. Yesterday I came home and had a quick run around the park with Frank and he loved it!

I have to get up

I have to go

But when I get there I love it and it’s worth it. Most of the time I say I am definitely going the next morning. Then that morning I decide whether or not to hit the snooze button.

So this is my little update for my gym fitness. I hate getting up early but the benifits are paying of. I need the motivation of the gym and the support of my gym buddies. I have also started running back from the gym. Not a massive distance but I will lengthen it each week.

There is a park run on Saturday and I should really see if I can do it.

But we will see!

Don’t get stuck in a fitness rut: Gym tips I still need to listen to!

Advice, body confidence, Fitness, Uncategorised, weight loss

I used to go to the gym 3 times a week which looking back wasn’t great but something is definitely better than nothing!

But I was stuck in a rut!

When they ask to introduce you say yes!

I never went upstairs and I never really explored the machines when I should have. Gyms always ask you if you want a walk through and actually you should take them up on that offer!

I should have walked round and learned about all the machines.

I also should have walked round and understood that I need more than a few exercises to see results!

Don’t get stuck in a rut

This is what Jon taught me. He said when you come to the gym there will always be a certain amount of people who are there all the time but you never see a difference in them.

This is because they don’t change up their routine enough. They get stuck in a fitness rut of comfortable exercise and can’t get out of it.

Now there is no harm in this. Maintaining your weight and fitness is important but unless they change up there routines and add different elements to it there body it going to stay the same.

I am a hundred percent guilty of this. I am definitely a creature of habit. I like the running, rowing and bikes. I may through in a different machine if I am feeling brave like the CrossFit or step machine but most of the time that it’s.

Plus I run home.

So my muscles are doing the same thing all the time which means although they are getting stronger and I mean a bit more toned I haven’t seen that much difference.

I didn’t want muscled arms so I stayed away from weights.

Now I want to introduce them into my routine. On Monday I did bicep curls and upped my weights each time. This will help work on my arms and bingo wings which I do need.

You need to do a bit of everything if you want to see improvements.

I am still working on a fitness plan that I can follow without being a slave to it!

Preparation is key

Pack your bag the night before! If I don’t do this I waste 5-10 minutes every morning when I could be at the gym. I have forgotten my locker key, towel (twice) shoes, you name it.

My skincare and shower bag now live permanently in my bag so I have to get them out on weekends.

When it’s hot it’s easy as I can just pack a dress! But as it’s a little cooler this week I have to focus on outfits.

If you are showering at home the. This doesn’t apply to you but I go straight to the gym then to work! Preparation is key to this and here is where I really need to listen to my own advice. I need to plan my outfits and check I have my towel with me!

Gym tips

I can’t give you any real fitness advice because I am just starting out and it would be wrong to do so! So if someone talks about your fitness at the gym listen to them. Ask for advice book a PT everyso often.

Keep it fresh!

Also you don’t want it to become boring! You need to challenge yourself! Up your game each time. But mostly you need to do this for the right reasons. You need to do this for you, not to get in your wedding dress, not to look Instagram ready.

Do it for you

I am doing it for me. The goal was my wedding but I want this to continue for my body to be a healthy happy place.

Day two, let the tears pour

body confidence, health, weight loss

Day 2 of my 5 day gym challenge

Am I allowed to cry?

Kidding it definitely wasn’t that bad. My body is a little tired. I had a late-night making wedding nonsense last night and planning my Welcome sign. So excited to share it with you or so much my gym torture.

My body is sore but nothing to bad. I fell I have been chucked around a lot today.

Today Jon was on time and decided to torture me with the Banana running machine, you know the one where it only moves if you move. Very unpleasant I thought I was going to fall over so we ran for 5 minutes I think or was it ten. It honestly felt like for ever. I am pretty sure it was ten and luckily, I had to walk upstairs as I had to catch my breath.

Working on the back

I have no idea why Jon decided to focus on all back exercises but he did. I watched a video on how to lift the barbell from the floor safely. Stand like a porn star they said. I preferred the stand like a duck analogy. Chest out, bum out core in.

My face was beetroot red this one really took it out of me and my last few lifts I felt my legs shaking.

Coreless

I am still trying to find my core or really understand it. It keeps getting explained to me, and I know I have to work on it but still I have no clue.

So today we worked on the barbell. I really had to focus on not bending my back I really didn’t want to hurt myself. I started on just 10 then upped it with every set of reps. The last one was 40 kilos I think so I was really proud of myself.

Then I did some weird barbell on my shoulders I had no clue and apparently my squats with 50 tonnes on my back were not good enough so I just had to focus on my squatting. Turns out I am really, really bad. So I stopped. I will have to work on it.

Then we used the Lat machine and I felt like goldilocks trying to find a good weight to begin with. I did ten reps and increased the weight each time.

Sweat was dripping off me at this point.

Rowing machine

I love a rowing machine I find them wonderful and try to put the focus on my arms rather than my legs. Except when Jon decided we are going to have a ten-minute race. It was a tortoise and the hare situation so I won, but only because he rowed so fast that he needed to rest for two minutes.

I won’t take it as a win.

Day two I survived, I didn’t cry, my body is sore in muscles I have just discovered.

I can lift my arms very high

I can’t wait till I am in a position I can do a pull up.

When I watch movies were women are chased and have to pull them selves up over a fence or a pole, I am always jealous. Not that they are running for their lives, obvs, but because they are strong enough to do it. I would be caught or my friend would be killed trying to push me up and over. Leave me, save yourselves I would graciously say.

Well give me a month I may be able to do a pull up after all.

Morning routine getting into the fitness groove.

body confidence, running, weight loss

I stopped going to the gym because I wanted to save the money and the puppy meant that I was just wasting money. I had to walk him twice a day so I wasn’t going to the gym at all.

But I missed it. I was going 3 times a week after work. My local Nuffield gym has a pool so I could pick and choose my activity.

So last week I decided that it was too hot to run, I mean it practically hit 40 degrees which was super uncomfortable. And I was making excuses not to run. It’s too hot, I am not in the mood etc.

So I rejoined my gym.

Getting back in the fitness groove

I now have to get up at 6.30am walk the dog and head straight to the gym. Where I do a 30-35 minute work out. I don’t want to leave the house at 7am I normally leave it at 8 so it’s been a struggle.

Me looking sharp on the way to the gym

But I have done it.

I have had too.

When I get to work I feel good. My body sometimes aches and I have silly minor injuries like blisters from the rowing machine but I just need to find my gloves and I will be good.

It only been a week but I am already looking forward to the gym. My body is happy and I have already started feeling the difference.

My routine

  • Get up
  • Clean teeth and wash up
  • Walk pooch
  • Walk to the gym
  • Run for 15-20 minutes ( this will increase)
  • 5 minutes on the rowing machine ( need to wok on those bingo wings)
  • 10 minutes on the cycling machine
  • Wash up
  • Head to work
  • Eat breakfast
  • Work

That’s pretty much it.

Rookie mistakes

I made a few mistakes when I restarted going to the gym. I lost my lock so I left my locker open. This made me paranoid the whole time. But the worse thing I forgot was to bring a fresh set of clothes.

Luckily the supermarket opened at 8am so I ran across and bought a dress but it was annoying.

but I look forward to my breakfast

I have been eating a healthier breakfast of Greek yogurt, fresh fruit a sprinkling of granola and some honey. I love it. I know that too much fruit isn’t great but it’s good for my skin as well as my health.

I am looking forward to my healthier body, my running fitness. My toned stomach and with just over 6 weeks to go I need to stop putting it off and just do it.

Here is too just doing it!

The downside to negativity

body confidence, confidence, self care, Uncategorised

I have mentioned before that I got into blogging because I had to do it for work and I loved it. My work has talk me a lot about positivity!

I teach art to kids and adults and with each lesson I dread the negativity. Children especially are very hard on them selves. They turn disappointment into sadness and comparisons. My classes that have been going on longer aren’t really negative anymore. They have learned to focus on their development instead of focusing on their friends.

I often ask them if they are happy with their work and if they aren’t we decide how to tackle it next week till they are happy. As hard as children can be they don’t dwell on things if they get distracted by good things and positivity.

I was writing about how learning to draw can be daunting and then I wrote this quote down.

When I wrote it down and it made me think. Why do we do it.

Why do it do it?

I am into a lot of self care at the moment but that’s not the same as being negative about myself.

Self doubt

With work I got stuck in retail for far too long because I didn’t think my skills were good enough. I didn’t see them as transferable and did not value the actual skill set I have. Yes I had a demeaning boss but she only aided my self doubt.

Gav believed in me

My friends believed in me so why don’t I. Why are we our own harshest critic. I don’t want to be an obnoxious overconfident person but why could I not see my own potential?

Body issues

I have started self tanning, nothing severe just a nice healthy glow. A few shades darker then my white befreckled skin ( I love my freckles)

I start with my legs and work my way up. I am okay with my body. Then I get to my belly and I turn my head in disgust every time!

You are supposed to apply in a circular motion but my belly is so big that I end up swishing it around. Chasing the flesh trying to cover it in the same amount of cream.

I hate it, it’s the part of my body that I hate.

So why the negativity

I hate it

My belly disgusts me. I am trying to cut back on drink ( I still drink just not during the week (as much)) I haven’t run during the heatwave because it’s a heatwave people! But I have been walking home to burn some calories.

I am not working hard enough I know but the truth of the matter is. I am being way to harsh. My belly isn’t horrific at all.

My negativity is holding me back from helping myself and being positive. Being negative isn’t going to make me think hey get your arse in to gear. Negativity is going to make me go, your belly is already big why not have another bar of galaxy!

This isn’t something that is going to change over night but it is something I can work on and get out of the habit.

Negativity is the worst habit!

Let’s try to be kinder to ourselves!