High Street wedding Dress: Missing out on the “Dress” Experience

So I bought my dress from the high street and I love it but I don’t know if I am missing out on that magical feeling. Where you stand in front of your family and they cry happy tears whilst sipping on ice cold bubbles.

I have missed this bit out.

I love this dress.

It is beautiful and magical and suits me to a tee!

I am in no doubt about the dress and when I showed my family they said they had no idea what it would be like but that it was perfect for me.

It is perfect.

I feel like working in women’s retail all those years ago means that I can always know if something is going to suit my body. I was right and even thought the UK 10 fits me when I loose more weight it will look so much better.

low angle photo of white dress placed on wooden deck surrounded with trees

Photo by Bryan Schneider on Pexels.com

Weight Loss Update

I am doing really well at the moment.

I feel less pressure to lose weight because the dress already fits but I know I will look better if I keep working on it.

I have lost and kept off 6lbs and feel amazing for it. Although I am not skinny and still have about 6lbs to go I can see the difference. Mainly on my wobbly stomach that’s doesn’t wobble as much.

I am still calorie counting but the biggest change has been my snacking habits. It turns out my idle hands have been reaching for the chocolate! As a compulsive eater I generally ban bad foods from my home but they always sneak in! But being busy in the evenings means that I am no longer snacking.

My dress will look even better with with this weight gone and I will be thrilled if I have to take my dress in but won’t be too disappointed if I don’t.

woman girl fat fitness

Photo by Public Domain Pictures on Pexels.com

Will I Be Missing Out

I mentioned the magical feeling at the start of the blog. I am talking about trying on the dress, the reveal, finding the one!!!

Except I have found it, it is beautiful and didn’t cost the earth.

When I asked my married Bridesmaids they said that they paid a lot of money but didn’t think it was that amazing experience in a shop. There were other brides in the same room and it felt exposed. Not the experience they were hoping for.

I feel much better now after talking to them.

I don’t feel like I am missing out on anything.

Plus Becky plied me with lots of bubbles and lent me her veil. So it felt wonderful to be with the people I love who love the dress. When i showed my sister the dress her first words were “ask Becky, she will tell you if its right!” and she did and does thinks its right. She even shed a few tears.

I think there is a lot of pressure to have this perfect experience in all aspects of wedding planning. the perfect £2000 dress, the perfect £4000 worth of flowers. I have said about weddings being within your means. We have a house so we don’t need to save for a deposit but that doesn’t mean we should go to crazy on the day. I dont want to waste money frivolously. It is one day.

We have invested in out Bridal party as they mean so much to us.

My dress is perfect and cost a fraction of what I was planning on spending on my budget. I am so happy with my high street purchase. I didn’t think i would get so lucky with it. It has lovely vintage vibes to it!

Just a few more pounds and it will fit like a dream!


Shoe Heaven

I had to send a video to my mum of me trying on the dress which is a bit sad. When she comes over I will show my mum and Gavin’s mum. This dress is mine now. The exciting bit is we are going to Shoe Heaven  and will try on all the pretty shoes. I will take my family for pedicures then shoe trying on. I have my eye on some Jimmy Choos but I will pick what ever I fancy. I wont go sky scraper high as I would like to wear them again but also at 5″7 I am already tall. Then after that we will go for lunch some where lovely.

I will make a day of it so i will have a magical experience just over something i can wear again!

Did you buy a high street or second hand wedding dress?

I would love to hear your thoughts!

Self delusions: weight struggles

I flick through pictures of myself and delete the images where my body looks pregnant. I carry all my weight on my stomach and feel horrendous for it. My weight struggle perhaps isn’t as tough as a lot of people’s by my misery is.

I find a picture where my stomach looks flatter and I say to myself, see, I am not that big.

I am not that big

But I am not that slim either. I hate what I am doing to my body as I cram another sandwich into my mouth. I listen to my self delusions.

I am on holiday!

It’s the weekend!

I am just going to treat my self!

And then I think of my partner and wonder how on earth this man can look at me and want me when I can’t even look at myself.

I am consumed with self delusions and a weight struggle.

I see a picture where I look slim and think yes that is what I look like when it’s not.

Perhaps it is time to face my delusions and tackle my weight loss head on. I am a planner, I love to plan but my execution is simply lacking.

I am simply lacking.

I planned to walk or run at least twice a week and yet I haven’t done it once.

It is too cold, too dark too hot. My excuses are always there. I think I am going to loose weight slowly and sensibly and okay I have been good but then I won’t deny myself a treat.

I need to focus and I need to loose this weight. If I can make it to a size 10 (us size 6) by Christmas I will be extatic. I thought I would be slimmer for this holiday but I failed miserably. So now I flip through photos trying to show my best life when it’s a joke.

I ate salad every day at work before I left but my belly is still there. Still saying hello and wobbling goodbye.

I walk a lot so my legs are pretty toned it’s just my stomach and my head I need to work on. I need to focus my mind on achieving the body I want.

The body that will make me proud and keep it up.

I love food and drink but I need to be smarter because what I am doing right now isn’t good enough.

Wedding Fitness, Calorie Counting: Can I drink and diet?

I need to focus on my wedding fitness and calorie counting is helping. I know what you are thinking, I don’t have to diet for my wedding. I should just be happy in myself. My body isn’t terrible but I don’t like it.  Body confidence only works if you like what you see. I can’t convince myself that I look good because I don’t.

I don’t.

I thought I would share with you things I have changed. My drinking habits and how I have had to improve with my diet. Wedding fitness is not just for that one day, but the years after it.

I want to be healthy!


Pints of Larger in Val D’ isere, Apres Ski


When the cooler months glisten at our doorstep I love a large glass of red in winter (204 calories). In warmer months it is a large glass of cold white wine in my hand (214 calories). But I don’t have one glass, nope, I will have three which is roughly 600 calories…. Your average intake for a woman in 2000! So 600 may not seem so bad but if like me you are a little overweight then those calories add up.

I am less active in the winter, I don’t run or walk as far. So those calories easily turn into pounds.

But I don’t just stick to wine, no.

Not sure there if there is anything better than sitting in a pub, next to fire, puppy at your feet big roast dinner on its way and a lovely pint of ale. You will find me with Doombar (203 calories) and Wandel (185) with a great big smile on myself.

Holborn Dining Rooms

Favourite Place in London, Holborn Dining Rooms they are all gin!

I like a drink,I like to eat. I don’t like moderation so much.

This doesn’t mean I drink all the time, just when I want to relax.

We have a wine rack, it is rather large. Gav bought it online, it is half a champagne rack and holds 60 bottles. It is completely full. We have wine bottles on the floor stacking up, when we have dinner parties we rarely touch it, which is crazy.

Do you do that, buy a new bottle rather than open one you already have?

If I meet up with my friends we will meet for drinks, we have dinner with food and then a few drinks before we hit the road.

If I am travelling by myself then I generally don’t drink too much. I like to have glasses of water when I drink so I stay hydrated. Not a fan of hangovers so I am also not some one who drinks right up until I go to sleep.

I like a drink and I am not going to change that

My friends like a drink too.

I had to cut back, because it is better for my skin and the number of calories are in alcohol is ridiculous.

My main weight is on my belly so that’s food and booze. My beer belly!

My drinking habits had to change… bye bye ale.

Not including holidays and festivals, I have had about 10 beers this year. Wine I have just monitored but prosecco is just a waste of calories!! 80 calories in that tiny glass!

Hello Gin

A single gin and tonic is 59 calories and because my dad taught me how to pour gin and tonic I have always had doubles which contains 112 calories as long as you use slim line tonic. This is one of the best drinks for calorie control. I can plan a few drinks or just burn off the calories.

My gin has gone from Bombay Sapphire to about 30 different gins. I love trying them I even organised a gin tour in London with my best friend and it was brilliant.


Gin pamphlet I made for Becky’s Epic Gin Tour

I love gin but I don’t care for fancy tonics I am not a gin snob. Schweppes or generic brands are fine, I want to taste the gin! We have super expensive brands and also unusual ones we find in the supermarket on offer or on holiday.

I get a lot of gin for presents and I love it.

Except for the Ferdinand (Gavs Gin which is my absolute favourite) we just open a bottle and drink it. This picture of my gin trolley was when I first bought the trolley. Now I have so many gins they are on both trays and now on the floor under the wine rack.


I think the most important thing about being healthy is not denying yourself the things you love but understandingwhat you are putting into your body.

When you find out how many calories are in a delicious premade pizza (2000) you start to realise that it really isn’t worth your daily intake.

I said previously that I am using Lose it App. I get to monitor everything. Although it sounds crazy to be like that I actually like it. Scanning in my food, seeing if I have gone over my calorie allowance. It also lets you set an achievable goal. You can adjust it if you want to be more proactive which is what I have done.

My daily allowance is 1376 calories a day.

You can break it up however you like they have suggestions etc. I also put my weight now and what I have lost. It tells me that in 4 months I will lose another stone.

I don’t drink during the week now. I wait till the weekend now and mainly only if we eat out or if it’s a special occasion.

My gin sits expectantly on its shelf, tonic chilling in the fridge with the limes.


Dalloway Terrace, London

So can I diet and drink?

Absolutely. Moderation is key and not punishing yourself if you do go overboard. I don’t miss it, and I really enjoy my drinks at the weekend.

I am not 20 anymore, I can’t drink without hangovers and I can’t eat without gaining weight.

With exercise and portion control I can do this.

Looking after myself isn’t a chore but it is a challenge, hopefully someday soon it will be second nature.

I see women running, sweating and trying and I just want to high five them all!

If you are trying to lose weight you can do it!

We can do it


Will I be an emotional mess: Ugly crier

Since we have gotten engaged I am an emotional mess, plain and simple.

I cry pretty much every time I think about our wedding. From reading my blogs you may think that I am a mess all the time, what with waiting to get engaged. I appear to be crying constantly. I want to be able to control it or risk having photos of me, an ugly crier.

When I think about…

…My dad walking me down the aisle

…My mum seeing me in my dress

…Seeing Gavin for the first time

…. reciting our own vows

Writing this, tears are filling my eyes. (come on Dans grrr)

I don’t want to cry… is this a bride to be hormonal issue?

Do lots of brides feel this surge of emotion?

When my sister in-law got married we could see her getting overwhelmed. She looked so beautiful and was so happy but we could see the emotional tide surging against her. The photographer told her to take a big breath or she was going to miss it and get swept away with her very real emotions. She would miss the little bits, the joys the laughter she needed to focus. So she took a big breath and had pretty happy tears in her eyes for her first set of group photos.


My brothers wedding

She looked stunning

I don’t want to miss my wedding because my face is all scrunched up and on a purely selfish not I don’t want to mess up my makeup.

So I am trying a few steps.

Pinching my fingers, tilting my head up and trying to smile through it.

Plus, I will be wearing waterproof mascara and hopefully as light a makeup as will make me look good.

The thing is this emotional nonsense means that is not just my wedding I cry at but adverts, old couples holding hands in the street, the news at ten drowns me in tears the Huffington post kills me. It seems I have changed to a weeping wreck from happy go lucky person.

I probably wont cry at all, I will be one of these brides that laugh at their partners as they weep. But it is still freaking me out.


I, like most women am an ugly crier, blotchy , scrunched up face my eyes completely disappear and I generally resemble a butternut squash. Maybe my mantra should be Pumpkin face and then I can just focus on that. I do not want to become and emotional mess.

Its like Gav has flipped a switch in me and now I cry at everything.

I have been thinking about walking down the aisle and I think an upbeat song may get me through. I have 3 I am thinking about, two are romantic and one is upbeat but means a lot. Maybe I just need to stop focusing on guessing how I am going to react and just go with the flow.

I am British, I believe in pulling up your socks and just getting over it.

Try not to cry and just enjoy the day I have waited so long to enjoy.

If you have any tips on not crying then please let me know I would love to hear from you.




Dreading the Wedding Dress

I have dreamt of my wedding day for years. It has made me think differently about my body, my weight gain and my general health.

They do say that having goals is a great way to get in shape but I had no idea how ashamed of myself I was.

I have an idea in my head of what I wanted but it has been changing since my search began.

Since we found our venue the look and feel of the wedding has changed because it didn’t suit it. I don’t want to spend a fortune on a dress I am going to wear once, in saying that, I still want to look my best. I am researching vintage, second hand you name it. Which means I know the sort of idea of what I want but now I have to go out and find it.


Feature and dress image https://pixabay.com/

So, I started thinking about trying on a dress.

The dress.

I used to work in retail so I tend to just buy clothes without trying them on. Plus with my expanding waistband I didn’t fancy tiny dressing rooms with mirrors that highlight your flaws.

No ta.

You can’t really do that with a wedding dress which is a shame because there have been a few Ebay numbers that have caught my eye and I do want my mum and bridesmaids there as I try it on. A bottle of bubbles beforehand and then lovely lunch afterwards.

I can see it all in my head.

And looked down at my body as my rolls of stomach rolled over the next rolls on my stomach. I was a size 14 so not massive but I hated my body.

Mainly my belly and those gorgeous swinging bingo wings I have acquired reaching for the remote control.

I hate my body

Hate it.

It is not what it used to be and I have let it get out of shape.

I used to be skinny, too skinny for my 5”7 frame and I could eat anything … anything I wanted, until I fell in love. Then I got bigger and bigger. Then came the break up and I would go back to my old size again and then I met him… and I ate and cooked. We went out, drank and ate, I am such a feeder.

I love food.

But now my favourite things are turning against me and absolute truth is- I won’t give them up. I won’t, I enjoy them too much.


Working In Cockburn Street Size 6/8, Singing in Brighton with Jess size 10, Me and Him: size 12

I am a compulsive eater, if I buy a bag of donuts, I will eat them all. I have consumed 12 gorgeous glazed Krispy Cremes in one day. Just thinking about them makes me want to eat them now.

My trick is not to buy them, because then I don’t eat them. I can’t.

The thought of standing in front of my family in a beautiful dress in the bridal shop and feeling deflated fills me with dread. This feels like the first time I went snowboarding, where my knees locked and I just burst into tears.

I did not know how to react to this. I thought I was supposed to be excited about this. Trying on the dress of my dreams.

I am feeling anxious about feeling anxious which I know is insane.

I know it happens all the time, that brides feel overwhelmed and disappointed in themselves and it has nothing to do with the shops, its self-confidence. If I had walked in, stood tall (definitely helps with the belly rolls) and looked at dresses, it would not of have been a problem. At all, but instead I started thinking about it.

Over thinking

I was filled with absolute dread that only those donuts could fix. I couldn’t bear it.

Taking off my cloths in front of a stranger and trying on delicate dresses. It is bringing me out in a sweat just thinking about it. I want to hide my body in a full Bridget Jones onesie, do they make those? I want my thighs belly and boobs covered.


Me and My lovely sister: a healthy size 10

Then I turned to YouTube and the first post that came up was Lydia Elise Millen trying on dresses and she looked beautiful in absolutely all of them. Now she is a stunning girl, beautiful. But she is very confident.

So I took a step back from myself and thought about what I wanted from myself.

I am happy with my funny face and big curly hair but the things I can change are my health, my skin and my body shape.

This is achievable and I have over a year to achieve it

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I don’t have to fad diet as I don’t agree with it, a quick fix is never sustainable.

I want to be fit now and ten years after I get married. Not just skinny for my wedding, I want to be fit and healthy.

I want to #bemybestself and #livemybestlife but still enjoy what I eat. I will never ever give up cheese, no way!

Running with Frankie in the snow size 14

Before I got engaged I joined a gym. I was going before work 3 times a week and miraculously I was keeping it up. I didn’t however change my dietary habits and used it as an excuse to eat and drink more. So, although I wasn’t gaining any weight I wasn’t losing any either.

My body was at a standstill, a slightly more toned standstill but still a standstill.

Then Frankie came into our lives (pictured). A cute mischievous French bulldog puppy (10 months) who needed a new home and consumed our lives. He filled our home with poop, joy, barks, sleepless nights and vets bills (Frenchie’s eat everything) and as much as he can be a nightmare we love him so much he is already such a big part of our family.

He also filled my early gym time mornings with walks and my autumnal evenings also with walks. I wasn’t going to the gym.

It became a waste of money, money that I needed to save for the wedding and £36 x 22 ( the months till my wedding) isn’t a tiny sum of money. I decided to quit the gym and put that money into my saving account, ironically enough, it’s my wedding dress fund.

The plan was to start running, but it was mid-winter and I don’t like running in the dark. The idea of slipping on a leaf or dog poop and twisting an ankle before snow boarding was not an option.

So I looked at my diet.

This I could change, small steps to begin with but better healthier steps (I almost wrote chips then (mmm cheesy chips.)

No more full fat coke- I am now addicted to diet coke.


Me at my brother wedding surrounded my my loved ones: size 12

I saw a great advert where they said stop watching fitness and start living it. I researched meals, dinner plans you name it, but I have settled on drinking lots of water and calorie counting.

Sounds dull I know but I have the “lose it” app and I love it. I set my goal at 3 stone. Now I monitor everything I eat and I eat what I want. I am honest with it.

Though I hate when I have a big night out and realise that I have gone over what I wanted to eat and drink.

Since January I have lost a stone and kept it off. You cannot tell I have lost any weight except my belly rolls don’t roll over each other any more they are a bit tighter. I feel fitter and trimmer and although loosing another two stone sounds like a lot of weight. It will put me in the healthy BMI bracket which I would love to be in again.

I can imagine trying on a dress now, my goal tracker says as long as I keep doing what I am doing then I should be my ideal weight by this September!

Which means I will have an entire year to deal with more wobbles.

The calorie tracker has made me look at things differently. I cut out sugar out of my tea, that half a teaspoon of sugar I have been fighting my grown-up life has gone.

My wedding goal made me drop it easily and now I wouldn’t want to put it back in. It also made me realise that I eat way too much dominos and Indian food.

I can eat everything I want just not over eat: I am still a compulsive eater.

After my Snowboarding trip I plan to start running again. I can go from work and it’s a fairly pleasant 30-35 minute run back home. Also saves money on the bus which is going straight in the wedding fund oh yes!


Snowboarding holiday in  Flaine on a 14k blue run; size 12

How does he feel about my body?

He was horrified when I said I was aiming for a size 10, until I told him I was a size 8 when he met me (he always thought I was far too skinny). He loves me.

He loves my body.

He doesn’t think I should be ashamed of it but he hates hearing me moan about it. He is supporting me in my healthier changes and it is rubbing off on him as well. He has swapped his ale for gin (far less calories) and doesnt mind the old salad now and then.

I am looking forward to feeling fitter and healthier.

My skin has already improved. My hair looks healthy I am having far more better hair days and I am proud of myself.

I am starting to plan my wedding dress visit: Rock the Frock here I come.

I can do this. Sadly, I had to shame myself into realising that I have been unhappy with my shape for years now. I have to stop wining about it and keep achieving it.

I am motivated

I will do this!