Clean Slate: Bullet Journalling likes and dislikes

health, Organising, Planning, Wedding, Wedding Budget, weight loss

January always feels like a clean slate. Maybe its that everything looks dead but there is lots of promise growing beneath the surface. We just need to patient and soon we will have spring, blossom and all its glory.

It has come around so quickly.

After The chaos of Christmas we naturally have a clean out, put all the decs away, fill the house with more candles and look sadly at the corner where the tree used to live.

January is full of plans and promises.

New years resolutions are generally held for the month, even if they disappear into the either after that. I like to sit down and start my new planner. Although I didn’t need any new pens I couldn’t resist my new Staedtler fine liners.

Is anything better than crossing off a list.

If you have completed a bullet journal and are onto the next then this is the most exciting part

So I thought I would share with you my pages I use and love and the ones I started but never looked back at.

Love:

Year at a glance, it’s a yearly calendar so you can see the dates, circle any birthdays or holiday you have booked. It easy

Bill tracker. Yes I could do this all on my phone looking at my accounts but when the bills get mixed up with payments I like to tick them off. It makes me happy and feels like I am doing something. Also it makes me aware of my budget for the month.

Order tracker. I use this at work. I have my orders I have to put through every month. This makes sure that I don’t order things twice. I have to go through different systems so this little tick method reminds me of all my suppliers as well as all

Blog tracker

Again this one is for work. It helps me know what I am writing, when what images we need. Although we love other peoples work and always credit it in our blogs we know how important it is to create our own images but it takes time. Lots of planning and then follow ups on our social media.

Monthly spread

Again this is me seeing my month at a glance. This is especially good for planning my weekends, birthdays and other event. I always write when I have a workshop planned, parties just everything. When my friends meet up for a meal every so often, I can tell them when I am free. I am more likely to put in in my Bullet journal then in my phone.

Savings

We all know ( I bore you enough) that I am saving for my wedding. This fills me with Joy, I am already halfway through my target and still have 8 months of savings to go- so I am going to do it.

14 day meal plan

Okay so Gav loved this one. After every evening meal I would ask him what he wanted and he would always say I don’t mind. I love to cook and Gav loves to order takeout. We are trying to be healthier so I tried something knew. I wrote 14 meals which are generally our favorites. I wrote out what I needed in each meal and then combined it to make a super grocery list. There were enough ingredients to make 14 meals but we weren’t a slave to it. Take out was also an option on it! So after dinner I would ask Gav to choose and if he couldn’t decide I asked him for a number and we chose it based on that.

No wasted food, no extra food to buy for.

Not used

I tried a reading tracker. I am a big reader I generally read a book a week (the benefits of commuting) So I wrote a list of books I wanted to read and ended up ignoring them all and just buying books on my phone whenever the next one ran out. I also tend to read more than one book at one. At the moment I have a thriller on my phone for commuting, an organizing one in my bag in case I get bored of the phone one. A book about the army, which I bought because I had to wait two hours for my phone battery to be replace and then a murder mystery which I forgot I started reading.

Netflix tracker

Hmmm really don’t need this. Lots of people love it I guess its just the pure joy of ticking something off. Again I have a bout 4 series on the go at once. Me and Gavin live different things so Lemony Snicket, Diablo and The Protector we will watch together but You, The Sinner and The Staircase he is not interested in. But Netflix stores all the info for me so I don’t worry about loosing my place.

Water Tracker

I am trying to be heathy and drink more water. Now putting on its own page doesn’t make me look at it but I do put a mini tracker at the bottom of each day I find a lot more useful.

Weight tracker

Oh shoot me. No I am only kidding. I have a weight loss app on my phone and as I have to log my food I didn’t end up redoing it. Also seeing a list I am not great at completing makes me reach for a donut and fold over the page. I didn’t like filling out this page at all but I don’t mind the clinical aspects of the app.

Mood tracker

Ha ha ha ha not going to even try. I am a Scorpio, enough said.

Conclusion

I think a clean slate is great. I think a simple bullet journal is better. This year is going to be jam packed enough without fancy pages and more trackers but I am generally happy with it.

Setting Goals: Happy new year

Advice, Organising, Personal Experience, Planning, Travel, Wedding, Wedding Budget, weight loss

I am not a fan on overpriced New Year’s Eve parties. I feel they are a waste of money and energy! You can enjoy the same evening on a normal Saturday night out!But I don’t mind a house party or a nice meal with friends. I have had some great New Years.

Two Hogmanay’s in Edinburgh

A pie fight at a Bugsy Malone party

A meal with friends and cocktails

And then one New Year’s Eve where we had a bottle of champagne and played computer games all night.

Other than that, can’t say I have had many great ones. Like Christmas I think that it is all about family. About sharing a kiss with your loved one, Jools Holland on the tv and a big smile on your face.

Also I love my bed! If I can spend New Year in my bed with food and booze and fur babies then I am a happy girl. Sadly, my other half is very outgoing so we take it in turns.

One new year my choice, one his.

Generally, it’s like most things, a big pressure to do something to talk about. I have never been a fan of any of that. I hope I have never been or never will be, a show off. Although rooftop parties in New York look amazing I would love to experience that, I am not someone who feels left out if I choose not to go.

New Years is just a big rip off

Tickets to your local pub! Drinks doubled in price, Leery men hoping to scoop up the single girls at the end of the night. (This was my late teens clubbing in Camberley and Fleet).

This year I get 4 glorious days off.

Saturday Sunday Monday Tuesday…. Pure heaven.

I can’t wait. We have some tidying to do which Mrs Hinch and her Minky have prepared me for. Some wedding planning (although that may be on hold till after the break.

But a break nether the less!

Exploring and Travel

I also am not the biggest fan of setting New year’s resolutions. except this year we actually have a goal to work towards… the wedding. Planning this year is key and we are so excited. My brother called me asking me to join him and dad on a road trip to our house in France. We are taking a van and picking up some bits before Mum sells the house. This also means that we can buy some French bits for the wedding which I am so excited about. Gav may kill me.

Travel Plans this year:

Bulgaria

Road trip to Jarnac

Madrid

Munich

My Goals

Well I have been good at maintaining my weight but I haven’t lost any more so I still have a stone to lose and when my ankle heals, I am going to start running again. Get my whole body toned and back into shape.

Skin care

Well I have already started this journey so it is time to get back into the habits and truly look after my skin. This means from the inside out so I will be drinking plenty of water and eating lots of fruit and its bye, bye to chocolate as this makes me break out. I just need a new serum (praying Elizabeth Arden goes in the sale)

I still need to find a beautician and book my bridesmaids there’s. I am leaving up to them if they want it done. Hair and makeup.

Hair

Well I got all my grey hairs coloured and covered and Gav wasn’t impressed with my blond skunk streaks as they are fairly bold. Now I am thinking of going a bit warmer and red. Not Bright Aerial red just a dark Auburn which is closer to my natural colour. I am growing it as long as it wants to grow and thinking of having it half up and down.

Still need to book a hairdresser for the wedding which is super stressful as I have never ever found someone who is good with curls. I get hairdressers who cut my hair really well but I leave with my hair frizzy and fly away.

Saving

No one likes to talk about money but weddings are expensive and we all know that. I am saving money on flowers, ceremony and booze but our venue is ridiculously expensive.And its our dream to get married there. It will be totally worth it. I have less then half my time and less then half the budget to save for. I have been working really hard to scrimp and save. Turning down nights out because of fares and expenses without neglecting my friends too much. Working overtime and extra Saturdays are making a difference to my saving now.

Makes: Getting Crafty

I have a lot of things to make. Napkins to dye, table clothes to hem. Photobooths to build and paint, and invites to cut up. The list is pretty impressive. We have a lot of details to finalise. And in a few months’ time I have to book the civil wedding.

I am hoping to make the majority of items before June so that I can fix any issues if any arrive. And not get too bogged down by it all.

Writing that list makes me a wee bit sick.

We are getting married in 8 months

Ocho

Cannot believe it and I cannot wait.

I almost wish I had another year to plan and make.

But I don’t.

High Street wedding Dress: Missing out on the “Dress” Experience

Advice, body confidence, Fitness, health, Personal Experience, Wedding, Wedding Budget, weight loss

So I bought my dress from the high street and I love it but I don’t know if I am missing out on that magical feeling. Where you stand in front of your family and they cry happy tears whilst sipping on ice cold bubbles.

I have missed this bit out.

I love this dress.

It is beautiful and magical and suits me to a tee!

I am in no doubt about the dress and when I showed my family they said they had no idea what it would be like but that it was perfect for me.

It is perfect.

I feel like working in women’s retail all those years ago means that I can always know if something is going to suit my body. I was right and even thought the UK 10 fits me when I loose more weight it will look so much better.

low angle photo of white dress placed on wooden deck surrounded with trees

Photo by Bryan Schneider on Pexels.com

Weight Loss Update

I am doing really well at the moment.

I feel less pressure to lose weight because the dress already fits but I know I will look better if I keep working on it.

I have lost and kept off 6lbs and feel amazing for it. Although I am not skinny and still have about 6lbs to go I can see the difference. Mainly on my wobbly stomach that’s doesn’t wobble as much.

I am still calorie counting but the biggest change has been my snacking habits. It turns out my idle hands have been reaching for the chocolate! As a compulsive eater I generally ban bad foods from my home but they always sneak in! But being busy in the evenings means that I am no longer snacking.

My dress will look even better with with this weight gone and I will be thrilled if I have to take my dress in but won’t be too disappointed if I don’t.

Photo by Public Domain Pictures on Pexels.com

Will I Be Missing Out

I mentioned the magical feeling at the start of the blog. I am talking about trying on the dress, the reveal, finding the one!!!

Except I have found it, it is beautiful and didn’t cost the earth.

When I asked my married Bridesmaids they said that they paid a lot of money but didn’t think it was that amazing experience in a shop. There were other brides in the same room and it felt exposed. Not the experience they were hoping for.

I feel much better now after talking to them.

I don’t feel like I am missing out on anything.

Plus Becky plied me with lots of bubbles and lent me her veil. So it felt wonderful to be with the people I love who love the dress. When i showed my sister the dress her first words were “ask Becky, she will tell you if its right!” and she did and does thinks its right. She even shed a few tears.

I think there is a lot of pressure to have this perfect experience in all aspects of wedding planning. the perfect £2000 dress, the perfect £4000 worth of flowers. I have said about weddings being within your means. We have a house so we don’t need to save for a deposit but that doesn’t mean we should go to crazy on the day. I dont want to waste money frivolously. It is one day.

We have invested in out Bridal party as they mean so much to us.

My dress is perfect and cost a fraction of what I was planning on spending on my budget. I am so happy with my high street purchase. I didn’t think i would get so lucky with it. It has lovely vintage vibes to it!

Just a few more pounds and it will fit like a dream!

Shoe Heaven

I had to send a video to my mum of me trying on the dress which is a bit sad. When she comes over I will show my mum and Gavin’s mum. This dress is mine now. The exciting bit is we are going to Shoe Heaven and will try on all the pretty shoes. I will take my family for pedicures then shoe trying on. I have my eye on some Jimmy Choos but I will pick what ever I fancy. I wont go sky scraper high as I would like to wear them again but also at 5″7 I am already tall. Then after that we will go for lunch some where lovely.

I will make a day of it so i will have a magical experience just over something i can wear again!

Did you buy a high street or second hand wedding dress?

I would love to hear your thoughts!

Self delusions: weight struggles

body confidence, Fitness, health, Personal Experience, Planning, weight loss

I flick through pictures of myself and delete the images where my body looks pregnant. I carry all my weight on my stomach and feel horrendous for it. My weight struggle perhaps isn’t as tough as a lot of people’s by my misery is.

I find a picture where my stomach looks flatter and I say to myself, see, I am not that big.

I am not that big

But I am not that slim either. I hate what I am doing to my body as I cram another sandwich into my mouth. I listen to my self delusions.

I am on holiday!

It’s the weekend!

I am just going to treat my self!

And then I think of my partner and wonder how on earth this man can look at me and want me when I can’t even look at myself.

I am consumed with self delusions and a weight struggle.

I see a picture where I look slim and think yes that is what I look like when it’s not.

Perhaps it is time to face my delusions and tackle my weight loss head on. I am a planner, I love to plan but my execution is simply lacking.

I am simply lacking.

I planned to walk or run at least twice a week and yet I haven’t done it once.

It is too cold, too dark too hot. My excuses are always there. I think I am going to loose weight slowly and sensibly and okay I have been good but then I won’t deny myself a treat.

I need to focus and I need to loose this weight. If I can make it to a size 10 (us size 6) by Christmas I will be extatic. I thought I would be slimmer for this holiday but I failed miserably. So now I flip through photos trying to show my best life when it’s a joke.

I ate salad every day at work before I left but my belly is still there. Still saying hello and wobbling goodbye.

I walk a lot so my legs are pretty toned it’s just my stomach and my head I need to work on. I need to focus my mind on achieving the body I want.

The body that will make me proud and keep it up.

I love food and drink but I need to be smarter because what I am doing right now isn’t good enough.

Wedding Fitness, Calorie Counting: Can I drink and diet?

Advice, body confidence, Fitness, health, Personal Experience, Wedding

I need to focus on my wedding fitness and calorie counting is helping. I know what you are thinking, I don’t have to diet for my wedding. I should just be happy in myself. My body isn’t terrible but I don’t like it. Body confidence only works if you like what you see. I can’t convince myself that I look good because I don’t.

I don’t.

I thought I would share with you things I have changed. My drinking habits and how I have had to improve with my diet. Wedding fitness is not just for that one day, but the years after it.

I want to be healthy!

Pints of Larger in Val D’ isere, Apres Ski

Drink

When the cooler months glisten at our doorstep I love a large glass of red in winter (204 calories). In warmer months it is a large glass of cold white wine in my hand (214 calories). But I don’t have one glass, nope, I will have three which is roughly 600 calories…. Your average intake for a woman in 2000! So 600 may not seem so bad but if like me you are a little overweight then those calories add up.

I am less active in the winter, I don’t run or walk as far. So those calories easily turn into pounds.

But I don’t just stick to wine, no.

Not sure there if there is anything better than sitting in a pub, next to fire, puppy at your feet big roast dinner on its way and a lovely pint of ale. You will find me with Doombar (203 calories) and Wandel (185) with a great big smile on myself.

Favourite Place in London, Holborn Dining Rooms they are all gin!

I like a drink,I like to eat. I don’t like moderation so much.

This doesn’t mean I drink all the time, just when I want to relax.

We have a wine rack, it is rather large. Gav bought it online, it is half a champagne rack and holds 60 bottles. It is completely full. We have wine bottles on the floor stacking up, when we have dinner parties we rarely touch it, which is crazy.

Bloom Gin, in Seychelles

Takamaka Rum, Seychelles

Do you do that, buy a new bottle rather than open one you already have?

If I meet up with my friends we will meet for drinks, we have dinner with food and then a few drinks before we hit the road.

If I am travelling by myself then I generally don’t drink too much. I like to have glasses of water when I drink so I stay hydrated. Not a fan of hangovers so I am also not some one who drinks right up until I go to sleep.

I like a drink and I am not going to change that

My friends like a drink too.

I had to cut back, because it is better for my skin and the number of calories are in alcohol is ridiculous.

My main weight is on my belly so that’s food and booze. My beer belly!

My drinking habits had to change… bye bye ale.

Not including holidays and festivals, I have had about 10 beers this year. Wine I have just monitored but prosecco is just a waste of calories!! 80 calories in that tiny glass!

Cocktails in Surrey

Cocktails in Shoreditch

Bloom Gin, in Seychelles

Takamaka Rum, Seychelles

Hello Gin

A single gin and tonic is 59 calories and because my dad taught me how to pour gin and tonic I have always had doubles which contains 112 calories as long as you use slim line tonic. This is one of the best drinks for calorie control. I can plan a few drinks or just burn off the calories.

My gin has gone from Bombay Sapphire to about 30 different gins. I love trying them I even organised a gin tour in London with my best friend and it was brilliant.

Gin pamphlet I made for Becky’s Epic Gin Tour

I love gin but I don’t care for fancy tonics I am not a gin snob. Schweppes or generic brands are fine, I want to taste the gin! We have super expensive brands and also unusual ones we find in the supermarket on offer or on holiday.

I get a lot of gin for presents and I love it.

Except for the Ferdinand (Gavs Gin which is my absolute favourite) we just open a bottle and drink it. This picture of my gin trolley was when I first bought the trolley. Now I have so many gins they are on both trays and now on the floor under the wine rack.

I think the most important thing about being healthy is not denying yourself the things you love but understandingwhat you are putting into your body.

When you find out how many calories are in a delicious premade pizza (2000) you start to realise that it really isn’t worth your daily intake.

I said previously that I am using Lose it App. I get to monitor everything. Although it sounds crazy to be like that I actually like it. Scanning in my food, seeing if I have gone over my calorie allowance. It also lets you set an achievable goal. You can adjust it if you want to be more proactive which is what I have done.

My daily allowance is 1376 calories a day.

You can break it up however you like they have suggestions etc. I also put my weight now and what I have lost. It tells me that in 4 months I will lose another stone.

I don’t drink during the week now. I wait till the weekend now and mainly only if we eat out or if it’s a special occasion.

My gin sits expectantly on its shelf, tonic chilling in the fridge with the limes.

Dalloway Terrace, London

So can I diet and drink?

Absolutely. Moderation is key and not punishing yourself if you do go overboard. I don’t miss it, and I really enjoy my drinks at the weekend.

I am not 20 anymore, I can’t drink without hangovers and I can’t eat without gaining weight.

With exercise and portion control I can do this.

Looking after myself isn’t a chore but it is a challenge, hopefully someday soon it will be second nature.

I see women running, sweating and trying and I just want to high five them all!

If you are trying to lose weight you can do it!

We can do it

Dana

Will I be an emotional mess: Ugly crier

Advice, body confidence, Planning, Wedding

Since we have gotten engaged I am an emotional mess, plain and simple.

I cry pretty much every time I think about our wedding. From reading my blogs you may think that I am a mess all the time, what with waiting to get engaged. I appear to be crying constantly. I want to be able to control it or risk having photos of me, an ugly crier.

When I think about…

…My dad walking me down the aisle

…My mum seeing me in my dress

…Seeing Gavin for the first time

…. reciting our own vows

Writing this, tears are filling my eyes. (come on Dans grrr)

I don’t want to cry… is this a bride to be hormonal issue?

Do lots of brides feel this surge of emotion?

When my sister in-law got married we could see her getting overwhelmed. She looked so beautiful and was so happy but we could see the emotional tide surging against her. The photographer told her to take a big breath or she was going to miss it and get swept away with her very real emotions. She would miss the little bits, the joys the laughter she needed to focus. So she took a big breath and had pretty happy tears in her eyes for her first set of group photos.

My brothers wedding

She looked stunning

I don’t want to miss my wedding because my face is all scrunched up and on a purely selfish not I don’t want to mess up my makeup.

So I am trying a few steps.

Pinching my fingers, tilting my head up and trying to smile through it.

Plus, I will be wearing waterproof mascara and hopefully as light a makeup as will make me look good.

The thing is this emotional nonsense means that is not just my wedding I cry at but adverts, old couples holding hands in the street, the news at ten drowns me in tears the Huffington post kills me. It seems I have changed to a weeping wreck from happy go lucky person.

I probably wont cry at all, I will be one of these brides that laugh at their partners as they weep. But it is still freaking me out.

I, like most women am an ugly crier, blotchy , scrunched up face my eyes completely disappear and I generally resemble a butternut squash. Maybe my mantra should be Pumpkin face and then I can just focus on that. I do not want to become and emotional mess.

Its like Gav has flipped a switch in me and now I cry at everything.

I have been thinking about walking down the aisle and I think an upbeat song may get me through. I have 3 I am thinking about, two are romantic and one is upbeat but means a lot. Maybe I just need to stop focusing on guessing how I am going to react and just go with the flow.

I am British, I believe in pulling up your socks and just getting over it.

Try not to cry and just enjoy the day I have waited so long to enjoy.

If you have any tips on not crying then please let me know I would love to hear from you.

Dana

#Pumpkinface

Dreading the Wedding Dress

body confidence, Fitness, health, Personal Experience, Planning, Wedding

I have dreamt of my wedding day for years. It has made me think differently about my body, my weight gain and my general health.

They do say that having goals is a great way to get in shape but I had no idea how ashamed of myself I was.

I have an idea in my head of what I wanted but it has been changing since my search began.

Since we found our venue the look and feel of the wedding has changed because it didn’t suit it. I don’t want to spend a fortune on a dress I am going to wear once, in saying that, I still want to look my best. I am researching vintage, second hand you name it. Which means I know the sort of idea of what I want but now I have to go out and find it.

Feature and dress image https://pixabay.com/

So, I started thinking about trying on a dress.

The dress.

I used to work in retail so I tend to just buy clothes without trying them on. Plus with my expanding waistband I didn’t fancy tiny dressing rooms with mirrors that highlight your flaws.

No ta.

You can’t really do that with a wedding dress which is a shame because there have been a few Ebay numbers that have caught my eye and I do want my mum and bridesmaids there as I try it on. A bottle of bubbles beforehand and then lovely lunch afterwards.

I can see it all in my head.

And looked down at my body as my rolls of stomach rolled over the next rolls on my stomach. I was a size 14 so not massive but I hated my body.

Mainly my belly and those gorgeous swinging bingo wings I have acquired reaching for the remote control.

I hate my body

Hate it.

It is not what it used to be and I have let it get out of shape.

I used to be skinny, too skinny for my 5”7 frame and I could eat anything … anything I wanted, until I fell in love. Then I got bigger and bigger. Then came the break up and I would go back to my old size again and then I met him… and I ate and cooked. We went out, drank and ate, I am such a feeder.

I love food.

But now my favourite things are turning against me and absolute truth is- I won’t give them up. I won’t, I enjoy them too much.

Working In Cockburn Street Size 6/8, Singing in Brighton with Jess size 10, Me and Him: size 12

I am a compulsive eater, if I buy a bag of donuts, I will eat them all. I have consumed 12 gorgeous glazed Krispy Cremes in one day. Just thinking about them makes me want to eat them now.

My trick is not to buy them, because then I don’t eat them. I can’t.

The thought of standing in front of my family in a beautiful dress in the bridal shop and feeling deflated fills me with dread. This feels like the first time I went snowboarding, where my knees locked and I just burst into tears.

I did not know how to react to this. I thought I was supposed to be excited about this. Trying on the dress of my dreams.

I am feeling anxious about feeling anxious which I know is insane.

I know it happens all the time, that brides feel overwhelmed and disappointed in themselves and it has nothing to do with the shops, its self-confidence. If I had walked in, stood tall (definitely helps with the belly rolls) and looked at dresses, it would not of have been a problem. At all, but instead I started thinking about it.

Over thinking

I was filled with absolute dread that only those donuts could fix. I couldn’t bear it.

Taking off my cloths in front of a stranger and trying on delicate dresses. It is bringing me out in a sweat just thinking about it. I want to hide my body in a full Bridget Jones onesie, do they make those? I want my thighs belly and boobs covered.

Me and My lovely sister: a healthy size 10

Then I turned to YouTube and the first post that came up was Lydia Elise Millen trying on dresses and she looked beautiful in absolutely all of them. Now she is a stunning girl, beautiful. But she is very confident.

So I took a step back from myself and thought about what I wanted from myself.

I am happy with my funny face and big curly hair but the things I can change are my health, my skin and my body shape.

This is achievable and I have over a year to achieve it

I don’t have to fad diet as I don’t agree with it, a quick fix is never sustainable.

I want to be fit now and ten years after I get married. Not just skinny for my wedding, I want to be fit and healthy.

I want to #bemybestself and #livemybestlife but still enjoy what I eat. I will never ever give up cheese, no way!

Running with Frankie in the snow size 14

Before I got engaged I joined a gym. I was going before work 3 times a week and miraculously I was keeping it up. I didn’t however change my dietary habits and used it as an excuse to eat and drink more. So, although I wasn’t gaining any weight I wasn’t losing any either.

My body was at a standstill, a slightly more toned standstill but still a standstill.

Then Frankie came into our lives (pictured). A cute mischievous French bulldog puppy (10 months) who needed a new home and consumed our lives. He filled our home with poop, joy, barks, sleepless nights and vets bills (Frenchie’s eat everything) and as much as he can be a nightmare we love him so much he is already such a big part of our family.

He also filled my early gym time mornings with walks and my autumnal evenings also with walks. I wasn’t going to the gym.

It became a waste of money, money that I needed to save for the wedding and £36 x 22 ( the months till my wedding) isn’t a tiny sum of money. I decided to quit the gym and put that money into my saving account, ironically enough, it’s my wedding dress fund.

The plan was to start running, but it was mid-winter and I don’t like running in the dark. The idea of slipping on a leaf or dog poop and twisting an ankle before snow boarding was not an option.

So I looked at my diet.

This I could change, small steps to begin with but better healthier steps (I almost wrote chips then (mmm cheesy chips.)

No more full fat coke- I am now addicted to diet coke.

Me at my brother wedding surrounded my my loved ones: size 12

I saw a great advert where they said stop watching fitness and start living it. I researched meals, dinner plans you name it, but I have settled on drinking lots of water and calorie counting.

Sounds dull I know but I have the “lose it” app and I love it. I set my goal at 3 stone. Now I monitor everything I eat and I eat what I want. I am honest with it.

Though I hate when I have a big night out and realise that I have gone over what I wanted to eat and drink.

Since January I have lost a stone and kept it off. You cannot tell I have lost any weight except my belly rolls don’t roll over each other any more they are a bit tighter. I feel fitter and trimmer and although loosing another two stone sounds like a lot of weight. It will put me in the healthy BMI bracket which I would love to be in again.

I can imagine trying on a dress now, my goal tracker says as long as I keep doing what I am doing then I should be my ideal weight by this September!

Which means I will have an entire year to deal with more wobbles.

The calorie tracker has made me look at things differently. I cut out sugar out of my tea, that half a teaspoon of sugar I have been fighting my grown-up life has gone.

My wedding goal made me drop it easily and now I wouldn’t want to put it back in. It also made me realise that I eat way too much dominos and Indian food.

I can eat everything I want just not over eat: I am still a compulsive eater.

After my Snowboarding trip I plan to start running again. I can go from work and it’s a fairly pleasant 30-35 minute run back home. Also saves money on the bus which is going straight in the wedding fund oh yes!

Snowboarding holiday in Flaine on a 14k blue run; size 12

How does he feel about my body?

He was horrified when I said I was aiming for a size 10, until I told him I was a size 8 when he met me (he always thought I was far too skinny). He loves me.

He loves my body.

He doesn’t think I should be ashamed of it but he hates hearing me moan about it. He is supporting me in my healthier changes and it is rubbing off on him as well. He has swapped his ale for gin (far less calories) and doesnt mind the old salad now and then.

I am looking forward to feeling fitter and healthier.

My skin has already improved. My hair looks healthy I am having far more better hair days and I am proud of myself.

I am starting to plan my wedding dress visit: Rock the Frock here I come.

I can do this. Sadly, I had to shame myself into realising that I have been unhappy with my shape for years now. I have to stop wining about it and keep achieving it.

I am motivated

I will do this!

Dysfunctional Planner

The joys of planning a wedding, travel and all that life throws at me

body confidence