Dysfunctional Planner

At some point you have to stop being so unhappy and start making positive steps towards your body image. I feel like now is the time.

I have watched the pounds creep in, my portion size increase and weight strain against my clothes. I really believe you should have a positive out look on your body. It gets you through each day. I can move and breath without any issues but I feel like I am on the brink.

The brink of obesity.

The brink of when it all gets too much and the struggle is so much harder. The brink of the fat impacting my organs and making everything difficult.

The brink of being another size up.

I feel unattractive and uncomfortable in my own skin. I have been here before. When I was striving for fitness before the wedding. Before I ran 13 miles. Also during lockdown I have been unhappy.

It’s all on me I am the only one who is in control of my food.

I am grateful for my body but I have also been mistreating it as well. When I was focussing on my weight and wedding goal I went to the gym at least three times a week and monitored my calorie intake using the free app Lose It. You can scan in barcodes and monitor what you eat. I have given myself the goal of loosing 1lb a week.

I carry the majority of my weight on my stomach which is the most dangerous place to carry it. I can’t afford to go to the gym as I am not working but I can run and I can watch what I eat. The truth of the mater is that you need to watch your calorie intake as well as exercise it’s about balance and NOT about starving your self.

I also don’t want to refuse to indulge just because I am watching my calories. The main thing it teaches you, when you are calorie counting, is that you understand the value of food. I love food, when food doesn’t taste good I won’t eat it. I don’t believe in eating for the sake of it. By cutting down on my calories I just choose what I want to eat.

I log everything, even if I know I have gone over. There is no shame because I am cutting my calories to 1510 a day which to me is manageable. I want to keep going till my belly is flatter, running will help this as well as my smoothies.

So I have reached the point when I have to stop being unhappy and start making positive steps towards my body and I am. I have lost two lbs in the first week and I hope to continue till I reach my goal weight or I feel better.