Dysfunctional Planner

I can’t believe January is almost over. It’s been a hard slog mentally. Me and Gavin have had a few chats about how we are feeling about what’s going on and each other. It was a very quiet conversation but vital to keep going. I implore you to talk, to friends, family and loved ones. It helps to talk and to know where you to stand.

This month it’s all about small things I have enjoyed.

Communication

Normally January is a tough month for everyone. Grey skies, rainy cold days and 5 whole weeks of a month. But with Covid-19 and lockdown it feels mentally impossible but we have done it. January is almost over.

One of the best things I have done this January is communicate.

Talking or expressing yourself is key to a healthy mind.

I am not saying this is a cure. I am not saying I have all or any answers but communication is great for your mental health.

Talking it over with your partner is hard. I can’t lie. It makes you vulnerable even with someone you trust.

For me talking about my feelings and asking Gavin about his, is painful. It puts me right back to asking my ex if he was still in love with me…… can you guess his answer. Can you imagine my fear.? When I feel low I doubt our love and relationship because I know things can change and it’s very easy in months to get bored of each other.

Lucky we are not. We are very much in love but it’s still tough. You can still feel isolated even if you are in a loving relationship.

My sketchbook

I am looking forward to the spring. I really am, warm weather, the relaxing of lockdown ( I can be patient) I have felt underwhelmed this month.

Grey days and repetitive tasks create a lack of inspiration. So I spent an evening creating a self portrait of sorts. Me in the flowers letting the world grow around me.

Initially I was going to go over it in pen.

Then I thought I would just stick with pencil abs work on my mark making.

I need to start drawing more, especially in the evening. Scrolling through Instagram is a wormhole. It’s not good. I need to draw.

I love my little sketchbook and I have enough art tools to open a shop.

People always say art is therapy. Time to start drawing more. I really do escape into my work. Absorbing every stroke watching it grow and change infront of my eyes. There is always a point where I hate my sketches and I have to choose between rubbing it all out or keep going.

Pilea

I have wanted one for the last year. They are a cheap plants so it’s never been about the price. I was in Marks and Spenser and she was just sitting there by the till in a little green ceramic pot. Just a slice of perfection.

She looked a bit sad and thirsty. So I popped her in my handbag and took her home. ( I obviously paid for her, it totally sounds like I shoplifted)

She now sits on the mantelpiece absorbing the sun and drinking a little water. She will grow and hopefully give me little pups ( baby plants) so I can spread her all over my home. She already looks better than when she first arrived.

As she is an heirloom plant I thought I would call her Rosa after my grandmother Rosalind.

I really do love my plants.

My plant sprayer

My new green glass water sprayer is my new favourite thing. it’s so cute and helps me water my plants. This year I am trying to be considerate about the amount of plastic I bring into my home.

I saw this and fell in love. It looks vintage and will stay in the sitting room as an ornament and also with a use to help my plants grow. It spritzers and has a more direct spray so it works well.

My kitchen handles

I was going to wait until I painted the kitchen but I just couldn’t so I bought them and popped them all in. It took about 40 minutes in total. I love the feel of them.

The texture in the mental feels strong and heavy in my hand compared to the limp silver handles. I smile every time I open my kitchen cupboards. I hope it continues to make me happy.

I really can’t wait to redo my kitchen but sitting room first.

Entertainment

3 things that has kept me entertained this month. Firstly we are still loving anime and we are enthralled with The Promised Netherland. It’s about an orphan which isn’t quite what it seems. It’s fairly upbeat considering it’s a horror. We enjoy watching this together as we have no idea what will happen in each episode. A bit like my next favourite show this month…

Lupin oh my this is good. Each episode is cinematically great and the acting is superb. It’s a thriller I guess about an underestimated man with purpose. We watched all 5 episodes in one go and we can’t wait for season two.

Caraval by Stephanie Garber I have just joined a book club and this is the book we are reading and it’s great so far. It’s about two sisters who long to escape their cruel father. It is a fantasy book and right now I am trying to read more in the evenings. The escapism is much appreciated.

My blog

I know that sounds strange but I love writing in my blog. This is safe place. My safe space. Sometimes I am so uninspired that I don’t write. Other times like today I sit down and have about 10 different ideas and start writing them down.

I try and write at least twice a week sometimes more. I think I should actually write a lot more. In February I will try and write four times a week but we will see. I will only write if I feel inspired. Being grateful shows me what I am lucky to have and inspires me to put pen to paper, or fingers to keys.

In summary

This month hasn’t been about spending lots of money but rather about achieving small things. Small changes and open communication have been a blessing and a struggle.

I hope that this year my blog will be more incite full and less flippant. I am supposed to niche my blog but every time I do something happens and I want to talk about it. I guess it’s part of being a dysfunctional planner. I am influenced heavily by politics as you have seen by my posts. I can’t separate my blog from this, I am sorry for the confusion.

I hope you are safe and well.