Dysfunctional Planner

Day 6, what are you afraid of, 30 day blog challenge.

We all know that fear holds us back from achieving or doing things so here are my fears.

Being safe

Like most people the older I get the more I fear things. I worry about walking home in the dark about being attacked or worse. I also fear that this may happen to my friends and family and it petrified me even creeping into my dream and haunting my sleep.

Personal safety is a crazy thing to fear but I do.

My father has always made me aware of personal safety but as I have gotten older I have stopped taking risks. I don’t need to put myself in a situation so I don’t. If I can I get the bus all the way home in winter rather than walking through the underpass. I do. I am not feeding my fear, I am just being smart.

Heights

When I went to theatres, I would sit in my seat freaking out at how high my seat was. I wouldn’t enjoy the play, it would paralyse me until the second half when I would finally relax. A few years on I was training to be a theatre designer. I started working on scaffolds changing the lights etc. I had to do it.

I pushed myself to do it.

My knees locked, My breath gets shallow. It is a proper fear. I also have to face it on the slopes.

Snowboarding is very high up but I mainly feel the fear when I am on the chair lift and it stops. I hate it when it stops. It bounces and scares the shit out of me. I have learnt to not focus on it.

The picture is of the glass box in Chamonix. You feel so unsafe that it will just shatter at any moment. Gav teased me the whole queue and then just as were about to step in he had a break down! He laughed like a crazy person when the fear struck him. I couldn’t focus on myself just looking after him. He had talked about his fears before but they had never manifested in front of me.

We faced our fears hand in hand, him a maniac me trying to support him!

Snakes

I lived in Australia for a while. Snakes were an actual thing. In Dorigo we had Red Belly black snakes which are the stuff of nightmares.

I still have nightmares about them. I know on the whole snakes aren’t bad and they just eat vermin but when the darkness comes in….

Failure

I think everyone fears this. It’s what holds us back most in life. I do have regrets, most of them are about stupid things I have said rather than choices I made.

When it comes to my friends I am a good listener and try to be balanced. I give sound advice ( I hope) but when it comes to me, I close my ears, shut my eyes and dream.

I stayed in retail far too long and I can only blame a certain boss for that for so long. She had a talent for putting you down so low that you just wanted to prove yourself to her even though she was full of shit. A calculated bully with a vapid existence. It was still my choice to stay!

Fear held me back and I changed job, still in retail but a different role. Now I am still technically in retail but it is a complete contrast.

There is a lot I still want to achieve in this life and only fear is holding me back.

can’t believe how deep this challenge is! So tell me, what holds you back?