I flick through pictures of myself and delete the images where my body looks pregnant. I carry all my weight on my stomach and feel horrendous for it. My weight struggle perhaps isn’t as tough as a lot of people’s by my misery is.

I find a picture where my stomach looks flatter and I say to myself, see, I am not that big.

I am not that big

But I am not that slim either. I hate what I am doing to my body as I cram another sandwich into my mouth. I listen to my self delusions.

I am on holiday!

It’s the weekend!

I am just going to treat my self!

And then I think of my partner and wonder how on earth this man can look at me and want me when I can’t even look at myself.

I am consumed with self delusions and a weight struggle.

I see a picture where I look slim and think yes that is what I look like when it’s not.

Perhaps it is time to face my delusions and tackle my weight loss head on. I am a planner, I love to plan but my execution is simply lacking.

I am simply lacking.

I planned to walk or run at least twice a week and yet I haven’t done it once.

It is too cold, too dark too hot. My excuses are always there. I think I am going to loose weight slowly and sensibly and okay I have been good but then I won’t deny myself a treat.

I need to focus and I need to loose this weight. If I can make it to a size 10 (us size 6) by Christmas I will be extatic. I thought I would be slimmer for this holiday but I failed miserably. So now I flip through photos trying to show my best life when it’s a joke.

I ate salad every day at work before I left but my belly is still there. Still saying hello and wobbling goodbye.

I walk a lot so my legs are pretty toned it’s just my stomach and my head I need to work on. I need to focus my mind on achieving the body I want.

The body that will make me proud and keep it up.

I love food and drink but I need to be smarter because what I am doing right now isn’t good enough.

About DP

Hi, I am Dana. I am dyspraxic trying to function and get organised in my dysfunctional world. I don’t shy away from technology but I do have a preference for all things paper and analog. I am trying to organise our lives through my bullet journal, travel around the globe and save money!!! Impossible I know. I have a hard time believing that you should spend a fortune on one day. So, with my creative skills and frugality I will hopefully create my dream wedding without getting into debt. My bullet journal has been a life saver, so much that I now have 3. One for life, one for wedding planning and my last for this blog. I am lost without them. I have a wonderful partner, two fur babies ( Manhattan and Frank) a full time job that I love and my love of blogging. Please bear with me with my spelling and grammar I do proof read about 4 times but I still miss things. I won’t be offended if you correct me. So that’s me, I draw and teach art to both kids and adults and I believe anyone can create anything you just have to practice. I have had to try and try at organising, that is why I am the Dysfunctional Planner.

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