personal development

Things I have learned about myself

Advice, Personal Experience

I was never going to write this post. I didn’t really believe in looking back that far but then I got a notification. Facebook shared a post from over ten years ago. It was a brief message to the world sharing how much pain I was in.

Dana:

It flashed up and I allowed my self a small smile at the pain that you can only feel when someone you love stops loving you. It was such a long time ago but I had decided to share it so publicly.

I don’t remember writing it but I am sure I wrote it hoping that the one it was aimed at would also feel pain or regret or at least guilt. At the end of the day it was my choice to emigrate to the other side of the world. It was also my choice to return back to the UK. To London where I had lived as a student and rebuild my life. Because except for my friends I really had nothing in London.

No home, no job and no family. London can be a very lonely place.

I allowed myself self reflection and thought about how much I had grown and all the things that would not be as they are now if that question had never been asked. The outcome would have been the same but maybe it would have been another six months of a bad feeling. 6 months of knowing it was over but refusing to let it go without a fight.

I had to ask.

Because I already knew.

“You don’t love me any more do you?”

I wanted to take them back the minute I said them. I wanted to fill my mouth and cram them back in. Each painful word piling on top of the other.But it was too late and they were true.

It was over.

It didn’t end as quickly as that, it dragged out and it doesn’t need repeating. There was no hate just hurt. No mean words but lots of sadness and confusion.

After Thailand, Seychelles and France I flew home.

I returned to London with a few hundred pounds and overstuffed suitcases. Just two pieces of luggage .

That was my life.

There were trials and tribulations and Becky and Charlotte looked after me. Offering me a roof over my head, helping me find work and a place to live.

I sorted myself out, my life out. It took time and a lot of dark moments. There were also a lot of wonderful moments too. Lots of laughter and possibilities.

I found myself again.

And then I found Gavin.

I needed time to heal so I waited before I put myself out there for love and trust.

So what I have learned about myself is that I am stronger than I ever thought. That building yourself up takes time and effort.

I am happy and lucky.

But most of all social media remembers everything. So if you don’t want people to know then keep it to yourself or Facebook will haunt you forever.

D

The downside to negativity

body confidence, confidence, self care, Uncategorised

I have mentioned before that I got into blogging because I had to do it for work and I loved it. My work has talk me a lot about positivity!

I teach art to kids and adults and with each lesson I dread the negativity. Children especially are very hard on them selves. They turn disappointment into sadness and comparisons. My classes that have been going on longer aren’t really negative anymore. They have learned to focus on their development instead of focusing on their friends.

I often ask them if they are happy with their work and if they aren’t we decide how to tackle it next week till they are happy. As hard as children can be they don’t dwell on things if they get distracted by good things and positivity.

I was writing about how learning to draw can be daunting and then I wrote this quote down.

When I wrote it down and it made me think. Why do we do it.

Why do it do it?

I am into a lot of self care at the moment but that’s not the same as being negative about myself.

Self doubt

With work I got stuck in retail for far too long because I didn’t think my skills were good enough. I didn’t see them as transferable and did not value the actual skill set I have. Yes I had a demeaning boss but she only aided my self doubt.

Gav believed in me

My friends believed in me so why don’t I. Why are we our own harshest critic. I don’t want to be an obnoxious overconfident person but why could I not see my own potential?

Body issues

I have started self tanning, nothing severe just a nice healthy glow. A few shades darker then my white befreckled skin ( I love my freckles)

I start with my legs and work my way up. I am okay with my body. Then I get to my belly and I turn my head in disgust every time!

You are supposed to apply in a circular motion but my belly is so big that I end up swishing it around. Chasing the flesh trying to cover it in the same amount of cream.

I hate it, it’s the part of my body that I hate.

So why the negativity

I hate it

My belly disgusts me. I am trying to cut back on drink ( I still drink just not during the week (as much)) I haven’t run during the heatwave because it’s a heatwave people! But I have been walking home to burn some calories.

I am not working hard enough I know but the truth of the matter is. I am being way to harsh. My belly isn’t horrific at all.

My negativity is holding me back from helping myself and being positive. Being negative isn’t going to make me think hey get your arse in to gear. Negativity is going to make me go, your belly is already big why not have another bar of galaxy!

This isn’t something that is going to change over night but it is something I can work on and get out of the habit.

Negativity is the worst habit!

Let’s try to be kinder to ourselves!

Couch to 5k my journey and tips from someone who is struggling!

confidence, Fitness, running, weight loss

I have said before that if I have an idea I can do something it’s because I can. This has always been my approach to life. You would think that this would mean that I am highly successful and motivated.

Ha ha

Nope

So when I decided to run I thought I can run 5k. Don’t get me started on the half marathon farce. I started couch to 5k had two bad runs and gave up.

Oh I can do anything can I?

In my head I ran 3k which was good enough for me. So this time my end game is 21K which is so bloody far I cant truly focus on it.

So because I started couch to 5k last time I knew that I didn’t have to start from the very beginning. I could run 5minutes fine so I started from week 5.

Beginning

Which was a perfect place to start. If you are a beginner please please start from the beginning.

All you need to start is

  • Good running shoes ( go get fitted)
  • A phone that you can down load the app onto
  • The app
  • Headphones
  • A pocket you can zip away your phone
  • Keys to get into your house
  • Money in case you are desperate for a drink or a bus ride home!

That’s it. Nothing fancy. Oh ladies please get a sports bra!

Don’t beat yourself up

What I have learned from last time is that if you don’t make it. Just repeat it till you do!

I have stayed on week five for 3 weeks now. Monday I ran for 20 minutes straight and I was fine, I could have run further but I was so happy. Wednesday is was a 5minute, 8 minutes, 5minute run and I was a hot mess.

Yes it’s hot but that redness is not sunburn. I have SPF on, that redness is my heart pounding so fast! I was sweaty and my knees felt weak!

Heart rate was 151!

Did I feel good after, yes after my shower. It put a little doubt in my head. But I will push on to week six day 2. I have too. You have to. Pushing yourself is part of it.

If I don’t complete my next run I will just go back to the start of the week until I can complete it.

The NHS app is great. I love Laura, her voice is soothing and encouraging! She is getting me through it even if I do swear at her when I think I only have a minute to go and she tells me I am half way through. Sorry Laura.

Now I am in a good place.

I am visualising completing the 5k and moving onto the 10K. I am visualing my training up to run the 21K. It will be a great accomplishment for me.

Bad maths equals a half marathon

body confidence, Fitness, health, weight loss

So I entered a half marathon.

I can run 5k so training for just over 10k shouldn’t be a problem.

Except a half marathon isn’t 10k or even 13k, its 21k which is bloody far.

I signed up because I couldn’t convert the bloody Kilometres to miles.

never

But its for charity and I have signed up for it and also got my colleagues to sign up for it too so there is no going back!

I have no doubts I can do this as I have 5 months till the race. 4 months till the wedding. This is going to help me shift some weight, tone up and lose my bingo wings.

I like running I did some last year. I had more energy felt better and was physically fitter. Then we had a long hot summer which was basically a no go. My awesome little sister is a marathon runner, she has done London and Paris. She loves it and its hopefully going to give me some tips.

Preparation

I have already been to the running shop to source some proper trainers as this is going to be hell on my legs and my old adidas need a rest as they can’t keep up with long distance. I am learning a lot about running support. The best shoes the best cloths. Guys if your legs brush or touch when you run then cover then up. My Primark bras have been replaced with proper supportive sports bars. I keep them for short runs.

I am going to keep you updates every Sunday on what I have been up to. If I have lost any weight, my inches (ahhh) but the thing is I think that by sharing it with you it will encourage me to commit to the run, commit to the weight loss and finally get my shit into gear.

Arse in gear

How long have I been engaged? 2 years and I still at the same weight as I was? Well I have lost 4lbs but that’s in two years which is shocking.

I need to loose an entire stone.

That is 14lbs. I will be so happy when I do. My belly fold won’t have to snuggle on top of each other when I tie my shoes. I will be drinking more water and eating less sugar.

so even though I started this challenge due to a mathematical error….. I am happy about it.

The right kit

My healthcare means that I get discounts on healthy things like trainers, Gym, Apple Watch so I can track things.

I took full advantage!

Investing in trainers is definitely important but I will go into that later on!

Are you a runner?

Have you done a half marathon? Any advice please leave in the comments!

Here is my giving page any donation no matter how big or small helps!

https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/CraftyArts

Last blog of the month: hopes for it

Advice, Organising, Personal Experience, Planning

Day 30, hopes for your blog, 30 day blog challenge.

Oh I am so proud!

It was not as tough so much as time consuming. But I loved it. I do need to take the time and go back through and recheck it, as I know there are a million mistakes but I am so proud of the work I have put into this.

30 day blog challenge it’s done.

There is a hundred day blog challenge but that will have to wait until next year! When I have more time and I can focus on it properly.

My hopes for the blog

Well obviously I want it to be a success. An organically grown success. I want my readers to comeback because they enjoy the topsy turvy world I live in. I want to travel and explore. I can’t wait to write about Japan and New York. I feel like I now have a fresh perspective. A real thirst for blogging more.

I have learned a lot about what are my most popular topics. It’s not what I thought. You appear to love food and self health as much as I do. Which is refreshing. I also learned about popular times and postings.

I am definitely inspired to write a few more blogs so I am challenging myself to 3 a week.

We will see.

This will probably harder then everyday just because more planning has to be involved with set days. When you know you have to write and publish everyday you just have to get it done. 3 times a week is not quite the same thing.

Sharing

This blog challenge has been a lot about sharing who I am and what my goals are. The theme of this blog is great. I am happy to write it.

I wrote in my goals what I wanted to achieve and my blog was a big part of it. But I am a dreamer so I know if I want to achieve this then I have to keep putting the work into it!

I sometimes felt that some of the questions were silly or irrelevant but I guess the whole point was to give you a point of view or subject to write about.

Whilst on this challenge I actually wrote 3 blogs that are sitting in my drafts waiting to be published which is a nice situation to be in.

For this blog I know I have to so find the right photos.

How do you photograph hope?

Thank you so much for being on this journey with me.

I couldn’t have done it without you!

Confession time

Organising, Planning

Day29, a confession, 30 day blog challenge.

I have Destiny child Confession song going through my head.

Confessions

I have a few.

I never thought I would complete this challenge after all this is a goal I set for myself. I wanted to do it and I know that after the wedding I will do it again because I thoroughly enjoyed it. I will just need to find a different set of challenges to complete.

I know I said at the beginning that I never complete things but I mean like never!

This is actually an achievement for me.

Writing

I didn’t write all my blogs on the day. A few I wrote on one day and then went through them and corrected a few mistakes. I think that my grammar in general on this challenge is poor and I need to work on that.

Do I feel like I cheated?

Nope.

I still got them out every single day, I worked on them every day.

The trickiest part was the photographs. Sometimes it was easy picking them. Sometimes it was difficult and I had to travel through my photos and find them.

When I couldn’t do that I set up a mini studio in my dining room table. Bought some props and took the photos.

It was work but I enjoyed it! I had to plan it, if I had winged it then you wouldn’t have had a blog every day!

Organisation is key

I think this is going to be another short blog and I don’t really like them when they are too short. But we all have a few confessions to make.

Brief confessions

  • Gav I ate all the french chocolate
  • Manny I took you for granted
  • Trainers I don’t use you enough
  • I like to buy fitness clothes and sit on the couch
  • Gav I ate all the sour cherries
  • I wish I had more time before the wedding
  • I am glad of where I am

If you can make me laugh, I am yours

Advice, Personal Experience

Day 24, what attracts you in love, 30 day blog challenge.

Laughter is the way to my soul

It this supposed to be about love but actually it is about all the relationships I have had.

All my friends make me laugh, they all have funny stories to tell and we love seeing each other! There is often a bottle of wine and a catchup involved.

Humour makes the world go round

I grew up in a house full of laughter and joy! So when looking for a partner I wanted the same.

Gav makes me laugh like no one else. Belly laughs, teasing. Chuckling, snickering even Nelson Munst Ha Ha.

If a day goes buy without a snicker then that is a really odd day.

He is very funny, often crass, sometimes offensive which I don’t find so funny. If something silly happens we can often just look at each other and know what the joke is and why we find it funny.

Gav took this photo, it was a lovely cold sunny day and the coldest gust of wind blew

Things in common

I don’t think you need to have everything in common but a level playing field is always important. Gavin is a geek, he loves games: computer, board games, role play. He tries to include me but it’s not my cup of tea.

We do however love comic book shows, movies and Sci-Fi. So we look forward to going to the pictures ( cinema) ets and watching Netflix series!

We love food! We like eating out and cooking, take always. You name it we like to eat it! I link my favourite foods here.

Politics

I don’t want to get in to politics too much here. I am well versed in my opinions. Gav is a bit more conservative and I am more liberal but actually with Britain in the mess it is now we are definitely on the same page. Brexit brought us closer together and we read a lot about it, watched debates and followed all the lies. We were really passionate about it and still are.

We are firm remainers. We believe that we should never have been put in this position in the first place. Cameron was lazy and thought it was a given, Boris lied through his teeth and quite frankly should have been sacked. He bafoonery and bravado don’t stop me from seeing the coiled snake beneath.

Wow that was a little deep for what do you find attractive in someone but it’s true. Having someone who has the same core values not necessarily the same political party is intrinsic to a good relationship.

Can you be tall please

I also like tall men. It’s nothing to do with being heightest but actually that I am almost 5″8 so I am pretty tall myself.

I will never be cute in height but Gavin is 6″4 and to me the perfect height.

We met online, after my last relationship to an Aussie I new I wanted a relationship with someone British. I didn’t want to have to move again. So I asked for a Brit, which probably sounded xenophobic but was just about me not wanting to move again!

I also asked… could you be tall please?

Romantic conclusion

Laughter is truly key

Core values are similar

We love food and travel

We like our own space

What attracts you in a partner!